I bang my elbow in the shower,
takes a second to realize why

not that I was careless
or enjoy pain, again

but the cascara
cowbell, saxophone,

hands around my shoulders
that are not my own

sunlight squeezing lemons,
flower dress upon the hill

potato enchilada
still
digesting
messing
with my footwork

    possibly

maybe

    I was careless.

Showers are not the place for salsa.

i was taking pictures of you
with flowers in your hair
and i couldn't help but notice
the way your eyes held the sunlight
like the way
you
held
me

lately i've been mourning something.
i think i miss loving myself.
i grieve for the girl of sunlight and pride.
she is not here anymore,
what has taken her place feels like
the fog of no man's land.

soon the porch will be in shadows,
and my sunlight will be met
not by my hair or hopeful eyes
but by concrete walls instead.

and I fear I will have nowhere
but I won't go back inside.
as dreary as the porch will be,
I refuse the chance to hide.

Is this what writers do?
Conjure the worst then set you there, contorting
to listen for the beauty that sings in suffering?
Your boiling body fights, trembling
and next to you in darkness, brooding
I see the struggling and the worst
and imagine  your beauty

as a memory that enters a room
full of mourners-
sunlit breeze captured
in billowing fabric
which turning and holding
there for a moment
lets you go
as the tears and the chatter
go on

Jan 2021

the flowers spread their limbs
basking in the sunlit glow
as the refreshing morning dew
caresses their curved leaves.
their vivid petals flirt
with the colorful sunbirds,
pulling them closer and closer
to the sweet, sticky pollen,
which rains all over the soil
as more flowers begin to wake up.

8:52 AM sitting at my local coffee shop. Looking out  into the overcast sky. Strong breeze knocks my napkin onto the ground, and I go to pick it up. Look up and down the street I see her, yellow dress white skirt the most vibrant person I've ever laid eyes on. She lights up the street, without doing anything out of the ordinary, just walking, but I find myself staring at her in awe of the beauty set before me. Beautiful amber eyes, long brown hair.  Shining ray of sunlight pierces the gray clouds of my boring life, swiftly illuminating me and wrapping my heart in the warmest comfiest blanket.  Still being crouched over caught in a situation I've never been in before I attempt to get up and return my napkin to the table. I won't probably ever see that girl again, but those few seconds of absolute radiance reminded me that there is a life worth living.

closing my eyes as the sunlight kissed the window
a blooming rose lightly caressing my face,
confessing his deep, passionate love,
wrapping his leaves around me,
protecting me with his mild, earthy scent,
loving me with softness and strength.

They say the sun shines bright
Beyond the hills of night.

Perhaps one day I might
See this beautiful light.

For now my days are dark
My dreams are nightmares wrought.