Elapsing into cognitive repercussions,
               a thought never one to fade.

Always an afterimage
  burnt on to the psyche
           of delicate dewdrops clinging.

Within a consciousness
              that never  evaporates
just lingers in a reflection of it hanging

Like its waiting to suffocate
           but the breath of reality
                              gives it respite.

You know
I've always heard
People saying and ranting
About going home
Home home home

I don't know why
My home is a place
A place where i never want to be
I hate it there

It's so suffocating
The minds there are ignorant
And and stifling
I hate it there

It's where my eyelids
Are pasted together
And where my lips
Are stapled together
I hate it there

It's where my thoughts
Are are vile
And my heart is
Just an *****
I hate it there

It's where there's always
A preach about god
But what god would
Allow stifle
Allow suffocation
Allow ignorance

It's a place that i hate
I hate
I hate

-fir.m

“I can’t  b  r  e  a  t  h  e.  You’re trying to sheathe me from the world. But I just want  to scream and flee. I want to leave, I want to escape. I don’t want to be bounded, I don’t want to be caged. But your muscles are possessive, hands like shackles and ribs encasing and engaging. Your scent clings to my finger and your embracement breaks my bones. Your words make decisions for me, exerting boundaries onto me. You’re stifling my breath and suffocating me. You want my blood to move at your accord. But I am drowning, choking and gasping. You’re pushing me away by entitling me. Your possessiveness knows no limits as you become invasive. You say it’s just because you love me, that you would go beyond any limit; but it’s obsessive. I feel like I am on a leash. I am no longer my own person, but a puppet to my master. A land to your dominian.”

I drowned myself in this water,
I called it some place home after too long.

I let it soak into me,
I let it surround myself with nothing else.

For so long I clung onto hope,
But now I knew it would never get better than here.

It was a moment of settling,
Something I knew I had to adapt for a lifetime.

I was from where they said words and actions mattered a lot,
But somewhere over here, anything would mean nothing.

For so long, I had told myself,
For as long as I can imagine,
I want you know it was since forever,
I recall,
I told myself everyday,
every
single
day
I had hope, and with this breath I could change.

But below the water, it was just bubbles,
And after a while when I stopped struggling,
I realised the satisfaction of not constantly reminding myself -it gets better

I had almost filled my lungs with water,
When I came to this realisation,
But the thought of no reminders,
No push through’s or
hope
or
a show for everyone else;
To let the world know I would be fine
I was
doing okay right now
I really was only doing okay-
right now.

See,
I don’t have a problem with you,
I fear you’d not be able to keep up with my problems,
Cause it’s not everyday some new tragedy,
It’s just a new understanding of my troubles.

Everyday deeper,
But
What wore be out the most,
Is to having to keep up for everyone around me,
So they could understand me more.

Right before
     This

I’m living death.

One wanted my body so bad
He was crippled by his desires

Another held me so tight
I thought I might suffocate

One more came along
He let me roam free
But even the freedom felt like a dream

There was one I found perfect
But he just wanted to use my kindness
And he didn't think twice about it

Boy after boy
I no longer have the desire to go on
I can no longer face the "I love you"s
Without breaking down in a puddle of tears

They were, I doubt not,
see enough,
in the dark.

The thoughts, the whisper.
Haunt them,
suffocate.

They endured, I'm sure,
the hindrances.
They tried.

They breathe, live,
they fight.
They did.

They, human.
They are,
ㅡ strong.

"this is hoffman, what's going on, where can i find her?"

"there's a nursery rhyme delivering your baby in 114."

"wait, what are you saying, ma'am?"

"nurse heimlich is delivering your baby in room 114!"

"oh sorry, i've been under the weather (chasing the dragon)."

      the fog finds you,
      it'll take your place in time,
      there is no rhyme or reason,
      or even frame of mind.
      the fog blinds you,
      it can't segregate,
      it'll capture all your secrets,
      it doesn't hesitate.
      
      memory recalls you,
      don't procrastinate,
      synapsis fire like machine guns,
      in the middle of the day.
      sensory remembers truth,
      better claim your fate,
      this ain't the time to run,
      new life won't cleanse your slate.

"jane! i'm here. how is our girl? where's doctor klein?"

"she's..."

"shush! mr. hoffman, i'm nurse heimlich. please take a seat.

there were complications with jane's umbilical chord."

"****."

"your baby's lung collapsed, causing her to suffocate. now, we did the best that we could, but the air and blood just wouldn't flow back to her heart."

"i was told there was a nursery rhyme delivering my baby in 114. this isn't a nursery rhyme!"

"then learn something from it, mr. hoffman. I sure am."