Mixed personalities stuck within one
You are only scared of yourself, the faithful in none
Vision getting blurred with your mind turning always
She never gets better, no thrill with her days
She craves the sight of blood, it meant control
Begging if one day she will become whole,
Cleaning and scraping the darkness gone from your sight
She could look up and see the hazzy psychedelic light
Getting out of bed is a chore of its own, like breathing
But not even herself can give her any meaning
No one can handle the weight the soul brings her
Licking her lips tasting nicotine and liquor
Her identity is faded, and she wants to lose control
Courage was foreign, and her happiness she stole
There is something that will always not be okay
And the notion of her whole body being wrong, she cannot stay
Caged but her second soul, she never had a good life
People say it is easy to turn off, but the toxicity will strife
Forever will she be confused,
Forever she will be used.

I feel sometimes like my throat just cut off.
I can’t breathe with you taking all my oxygen away.
I can’t see with your figure blocking the way.
All I can do it is just say I am okay.
I can’t let go of this feeling that I don’t know.
But I do know that I want you.
Tell me what its like to feel free like a bird.
Spread out my wings and fly away.
I can’t fell my legs,
I’m stuck,
Held bound by my ways.
I have two hands,
but not a third to pull me up.
It’s so dark, I can’t see,
With you in my head.
My vision is so blurry.
And my senses are no longer sensing me.
I don't want to stay home,
In this fate, I call reality.

I want to genuinely smile and have real friends that make me laugh..
Even more than that - I really want to get my life back on track...
But it's hard to have hope for the future - cause I just can't let go of the past....

The breath
so heavy,
so rough to get out,
sticking in the throat on it's way up
building a block in the chest,
pushing me down
sinking into my stomach,
creating waves of worry,
waves of ache,
forcing everything else away

and I'm left with this storm
raging inside of me
making me numb
making my heart both stop
and race
at the same time
as if it alternately gives up
and alternately keeps trying
so lost in the thunder
that it can't see the way out
any way out

And it's just like us
I just keep giving up
whilst my mind tries yet again,
thinking that maybe this time
maybe I'll get what I need
what I want
what I crave
without really believing it
without any burning hope
just a burning lump
spreading
taking over my body
my mind
and my breath
can hardly push it's way through it
can hardly get out

Just like me
stuck within what used to be us

She doesn’t like to leave the house.
Her mother disapproves.
‘Why don’t you go socialise?’
She could, but with who?
Her fictional prince?
Those middle-aged band members?
Her favourite characters in that one book?
She has embraced her isolation.
Mother will just have to do so too.