I sometimes think it could be ADD
this thing I really know is pestering poetry
it has me by the throat; it has me by the brain
now it has me in my gut, I'll never be the same

it comes when I least expect
it comes when I really don't want it
when I'm trying to do what I do for pay
it comes along brash and undaunted

I try not to do it, truly I do
but it just spills out like an overfilled gutter
"Stop" I tell her "leave me alone.
I don't want to do this" I sputter.

she's always there, that impudent muse
teasing and taunting my head
I can't get her out, I can't shut her up
even at night when I crawl into bed

she sits on the headboard and waits
for her chance to burst into a dream
then shaking me, waking me
in the wee hours she acts out her scheme

she won't take no for an answer
"I'm sleepy" just will not do
it doesn't matter if it's three AM
or if it's barely half past two

she refuses to let me just lie there
"Don't be lazy! Get up and write it;
you know how forgetful you are.
Wake up and don't try to fight it."

There she is, that cruel taskmaster
looking down at me with a smirk
"You'll do as I say. I won't tell you again,
Now stop whining and get to work."

she insists that I follow her orders
battering my mind till it's lame
"You may only write junk; you may only
write garbage, but you'll write it just the same!"

I clench my teeth; I ball my fists
I'll show who's the stubborn one
I'll show her who's boss
before this (oh, drat, a poem) is done!

----

**No,

I don’t want to go out,
not trying to be negative,
nor am I trying to hang out,
with people who are negative,

which is why I don’t want to go out,

no,

no way,
you’re not getting me out today,
don’t care what you do,
or what you say,

I’m perfectly fine here,
with my nostalgia and insecurities,
and I’m paranoid enough already,
so please I don’t need any one or thing else to worry me,

I’m fine in my own mind,
in my own home in my own room,
where I spin these stories,
which makes this room more of a cocoon,

but if this room is a cocoon,
then does that make me a butterfly,
or better yet a catepillar,
my mind’s drifting again whatever never mind,

just forget it,
it’s easier to just not care,
no need to pretend you want to attend to my wounded heart,
believe me you don’t want to mess with the mess that’s in here,

I’m a troubled soul,
we both are,
so what good would two troubled souls be together,
that’d just be double trouble for sure,

sure,
I might seem popular if you read my Facebook posts,
and sure from the outside looking in,
I might look like I’m living life the most,

heck,
a lot of people even call me a Player,
but I’m not a Player I don’t even play,
at least not anymore,

and I’m writing this like it matters,
like this poem will be the one that the world shares with itself,
like I haven’t written enough already,
like three #1’s in a row isn’t enough,

it’s never enough,
nothing ever is,
that’s why I’m not going out,
before I even get into anything I’m already over it,

not sober with,
my anxieties getting the best of me,
yeah I guess it’s a natural high,
if you consider a natural high EMF’s and caffeine,

and I don’t even think you know what I mean,
and if you do you probably don’t care,
and if you care I probably don’t notice,
and that’s exactly why I’m staying right here,

I’ll save us both the trouble,
so we don’t have to go out and you don’t have to feel awkwards,
because if we go out I won’t be able to let loose,
because I’ll just be thinking about how our society is so perverse,

how we party away,
having drinks that cost more than most people make,
see it seems the only way to have a good time is to be in denial,
and I am a lot of things but one thing I’m not is fake,

I can’t pretend,
don’t even want to,
I’m not your Arm Candy or your Sugar Daddy,
we are already even so I don’t owe you,

anything,
nope not a thing,
and no I’m not going out,
so please stop asking,

as if,
any one is even asking though,
it’s Friday night and the phone doesn’t even ring,
oh well I guess I’m better off alone,

so no I don’t want to go out,
not trying to be negative,
nor am I trying to hang out,
with people who are negative,

which is why I don’t want to go out,

no,

no.

∆ Aaron LA Lux ∆