Cast about on a stormy sea,
The deck was barren,
Our mood deceased.
Many a day, high tides wisped by-
Arresting my feeble mind from time.
Until one day, an epiphany.
"Blue dream," I called out,
"Take me away to that special place
Where up is down
And I float into space;
Drown my sorrows in a haste."

She manifested in my quarters
Later that night,
And with a soft whimper
Summoned my delight.
"Here you are, forsaken one,"
She hauntedly sung to me,
"My love will give you power,
The smoke will set you free."

Many a moment has passed
Since my encounter with blue dream,
But still my dreams call out
Hoping it's her I shall see
When I cross the threshold
Of those pearly gates.

I buried one friend last August,
I buried another one last month,
For a year I’ve struggled to help another friend over come addition and failed,
Another person: who kept me sane through my wild teenage years, buried his girlfriend recently, and in turn he buried his feelings with drugs and alcohol, we celebrated his one year of sobriety only a few months ago, no one ever mentioned how morbid your 20’s could be.

So inclusion I think pharmaceutical company’s should have to include “ heartbreak” on their labels, as a side effect too opioids.

Letting go of your hands
but it only gets harder.
Look into the mirror, actions speak louder
Falling through the clouds of puff
Having your head in face powder
Laying in flowers
Laying in dust covers
When will I land
In Dreams Of Recover

Show me...
There are so many thing about you that people don't see
They try to show you their issues
Compared to what some people go through, their "issue" isn't really an issue at all

You want to scream, shout, rant, rave
Anything you can do to make them listen

They don't care
You try to be open
To be honest
...They Shrug it off

I guess what you have to say isn't that important to them

That's it
That's the breaking point
You let it all out

Show me!
Show me how this isn't so bad
Show me a time when you wanted to slit your wrists and make your suffering end

Show me!

Show me a time when you were stripped away from your family
Show me a time when you were placed in the foster system at, not even, two years old

Show me!

Show me a time when you felt unloved......unwanted
Show me a time when you found out two of your closest friends are suicidal
Show me the scars on your wrist from each time you tried something

You can't!
You don't have any

Show me a time when you were ripped apart
Unable to figure out who you really are
Show me a time when your parents tried to kick you out at 16
Show me a time when you felt so lost all you could see was the darkness

Show me!
**** it!
Show me already!

Show me a time when you woke up crying from a nightmare
Where one of the people you love the most was the person who caused your death

Show me a time when you would just sit in your room, alone, and cry until you felt sick
Show me a time when your closest friend stabbed you in the back...multiple times

Show me!
I'm begging you
Show me!

But you can't
You haven't experienced it

Show me you know what this type of pain feels like
Show me you know how it feels to cry yourself to sleep for weeks on end
Show me a time when you almost lost who you were
Show me a time when you almost gave up everything you believed in

You can't
You don't know what I'm talking about

Beneath the surface of my harsh exterior, there is a girl
And she is struggling

She is fighting a war the only way she knows how
She is breaking apart
Trying so hard to put herself back together...only to be broken again

See how she feels through her eyes
See things the way she does

For her
It's dark
Gray
Lonely
Desolate
Hopeless

That's how she feels
She struggles to find a silver lining

But if you don't look past the surface, you will never know

You will never know she's breaking
You will never know she's falling apart
You will never know the battles she fights daily

You won't know unless you look beneath the surface
When you finally do, let me know what you find

I'm not broken
Just hard to understand
And I often see my words unspoken
And feel the bitterness will never end

So, even if I wonder
How far my legs will stand
I still know
That I'm not broken
Just hard to understand

In this new,
internal extrospection,
my out-of heart experience.

I realize who I've been,
what I've seen,
and how I've made myself bleed,
and others too...

I am Sorrowful.
I am thankful.
I am in pain.
I am hopeful.

Flooded by invisible tears and searing pain at the same time,
and even a hidden happiness,

I won't pretend to know.

I won't pretend to show just how I feel,
or just who I am.
Because I don't know.

All I know is,

I am.