Whenever I’m mad I don’t just stay mad
The past comes
And haunts me
Tries to **** me
But I’m much stronger
Stronger than anyone knows
Stronger than I know
People would know if they bothered to ask
But no one cares
I try to be strong
Sometimes I am
Other times
I’m not so strong
We all have to be strong
But in order to be strong we have to be weak

Through the pillow cover upto the pillow cotton,
It's so **** wet,
Every night while revising you're letters  ; that's what I get,
Brain filled drama still playback that melody so easily,
Like it's a cassette player and got a permanent button with a permanent cd,
The cd encoded in view captured of my beautiful girl,
beautiful teen girl  with straight hairs no curls,
The one with deep brown shallow round eyes,
It was hard to gaze them,
While looking at them I could never lie,
I tried to manage so much you put my patience crossing the last,
To the last limits until the trust bridge was brunt ,
I always tried to teach you but you never learned,
What you're doing its ain't right,
You never listen always start a fight,
Whatever it was ; was beautiful,
I remember everything every moment was grateful.

Of the two of us,
you need to be stronger...
Not because I'm weak,
but because
I don't know
how not to be strong.
I've been raised
to have my chin up and
head proud,
so, my dear,
I ask that you
steel yourself more,
you need to be stronger...
Because we need to accept
that there's a possibility that
we won't be good for each other anymore...
when love alone will no longer suffice...
My prince, please be stronger -
Walk away when you feel
that we are slowly dying
out of loving each other.
We are only human,
I am only human,
I will fight for us,
but I will not care if it's right.
See, that's why you
need to be stronger...
I ask that you fall deaf to my pleas,
I ask that you close your eyes and
walk away...
I will not hold in against you -
I will not.
So please, be strong enough
for the both of us,
when you feel tired and when
our love is nothing but poison to our hearts,
I pray that you
will have the courage to
break my heart.
Walk away and don't look back.
The last thing I want
is to hold you back...
Please be strong enough to let go
even if I'm still holding on.
Leave me be and
I will understand.
I will not keep you from happiness.
I will never forgive myself if I do.

Don't rescue me,
when that time comes,
think not of me as your princess...
I am a bitter queen keeping you from
your happy ending...

You might have forgot what we spoke about but I will never forget

You once said I was the strongest person you had ever met

Little did I know I would need so much more strength just to bear the loss of you.

6/5/2017

sinking into the white blur of my sheets
wondering if this courage is fleeting already
i was so brave sunday morning
to finally let go
secretly hoping if you can't reach me easily
perhaps you'll find a way
if it means enough to you
you'll float by
and toss a rock at my window on the sixth floor
of my nyc apartment
i don't need that

for the first time i laughed in manhattan today
the first time in awhile to breathe
the skies looked cold and harsh
but it is undoubtedly summer
"the best summer of life," you'd say
with you i felt doubt
in my pursed lips
holding my tongue with all the words
i'll only write down
it still has a chance to be

vanessa and i held onto the hours
to process and reminisce
when we were once students in a room full of books
you
working on your latest project
i remember the tie around your neck
the suit jacket you put around my shoulders
still thinking the same thought then as i do now:
one day it won't hurt and i'll hold my head high
as i unravel
become undone
become who i was meant to be
not thinking of you and a bottle of bacardi
with polaroids and pictures
burned to the ground
this fortress we built on unstable foundations

remembering
your body pulsing against mine
rest my head on your chest and laugh
your sheets
walk me out the door with no clothes on
before i say goodbye for good

this is day two of a life without you
a second go
if you want to make time
you'll see to it
today i will not let my emotions take precedence
over the rational decision to leave
stronger, baby