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Julia Nov 2019
I wish people revolved around me
like the moon around the Earth
so that I might plan
for the tides.
Instead,
people swarm
wielding an erratic force
tugging in all directions
shifting my focus
in and out
pulling my confidence
back and forth
forcing reality
to ebb and flow
as if the gravity
of my sanity
were not enough
to hold it solidly
in place.

Reality should be the mountains
not the sea.
Tell me,
how do I freeze the oceans
without killing all the life?
Tamara Lynn Nov 2019
Walk into the room
Mind swirling
Hands like ice
Do they like me
Shouldn’t assume
Can’t breathe
Shake in the knees
Crawling in my own skin
Want to speak
Where do I begin
Deep breath
Throat tight
Words don’t come out right
Teeth clenching
Heart wrenching
Tongue tied
Mouth dry
Cover it up
Don’t let it show
Put on a brave face
Hope they don’t know
Relief when the moment has passed
Although surely it won’t be the last
Tamara Lynn Nov 2019
I value my sensitivity
I’m not wrong for sharing my vulnerabilities
I care with everything I’ve got
Whether you like it or not
This is who I am
Never again will I look down at myself for that
There’s so much more to me than meets the eye
Underneath the shy
I may be afraid to speak up at first
Honestly it feels more like a curse
There are layers that make up who I am
But if you decide to let me in
Take care and please show compassion
I’m trying my best to be authentic
Even at times a little bit eccentric
But at my core
I just want to implore
That you allow me to show you my passion
For everything that makes up who I am
nom de plume Oct 2019
I am afraid of everyone I know.
I did not evolve with any of you.
It’s a party but I’m
a deer in the headlights,
and I'm trying to have fun,
but I am scared of everyone there.
I got very drunk,
and told a friend that
I didn't trust anybody.
Why did I tell him?
Everyone’s out to get me.
Hm, no, that’s not how it feels;
everyone could be out to get me one day,
and every word out of my mouth
is another knife in their arsenal, or my stomach,
because I am a revolting mass of skin and sinew
and everything is something to hold against me.
I think one day I will be
the ****** that will not leave the house.
It’s like the original “Little Mermaid”,
every step on dry land-
every step out of my home-
is another step of agony,
and one day, when I have had enough
of this miserable existence,
I will turn on the stove
and dissolve into the sea.
Rachael Oct 2019
I guess I should start by saying it's always been a part of me
Although I never really noticed it until it had been pointed out to me
Countless times, that question was repeated:
"Why are you like this?"
"Why are you like this?"

I kept yelling back "I don't know!"
But the message never seemed to go through
Confused and frustrated, I curled up into my shell
I walked alone in my quiet hell

Because that's what they wanted, right?
That's what they expected?
I guess I grew to comply
But inside I felt rejected
I thought they wanted the pain to eat me alive

And now, here I am
Just trying to find myself again
But I fear they'll gossip if I leave my cage
But with that mindset, nothing will change

I will never be saved.
Meadow Sep 2019
Trapped in a mindset of fantasy
Cradling beliefs with no foundation in reality.
Alone in a mind of oil
Staining all who brave my touch

Familiar faces soaked in anxiety
They stare with memories I long to forget

These glossy eyes that fear closing... moving.... shifting.... seeing...
Worlds will fall
Perceptions will alter

These words are caught in my throat
Festering

How do I say hello?
How do I keep the conversation going? Are they staring at me because they know I'm not normal. Can they see my disfigured soul hiding beneath this skin?
This deformed skin....
Do they notice that I am an imposter?
Do they see how I react alien to how they do? How I second guess each expression.

Words fall from my eyes without allowance.
The connection isn't there.

I Stare down
I drown them with every glance.
Words falling.
Flooding.
Making oceans of unspoken phrases.
Needs.
They breathe me in.
All the words I've never spoken.

They drown in my illusions.
And run away like mad men.
To a world I cant seem to be a part of.

Trapped in a mindset of fantasy
Oil drowns me, and dilutes my words.
Taking away who I am.
My words are my life.
But I cannot speak them.

No one will ever know.
And I will never tell them.
I am Drowning in illness.
________
An older poem I never posted.
After 2 years of therapy, I finally feel like I'm past this. I'm in a place I NEVER thought i could be at  and I am learning to love my life, myself, and others better.
Eye contact is not an option
I can’t hold a conversation
It’s basically impossible
Fitting in is not my forte
I can’t even explain
What it feels like
To NOT be able to talk
Even when you really want to
Even after hours of mental preparation
Nothing comes out
Not even a squeak
Social anxiety kinda *****
Sorry, my poetry has gotten extremely sloppy. And I’ve been facing MAJOR writers block. Any suggestions on how to get over this??
S O C I A L

A   N X     I E           T               Y
A "poem" every day.
Crown Shyness Jul 2019
Open your mouth, open your mouth
Say something out loud
Speak for others to hear you
But don’t be too quiet

Open your mouth, open your mouth
Speak, speak, speak
My mouth will not move
You’ll have to do it for me

Open your mouth, open your mouth
Stop, stop, stop
I’m too quiet
And I fear
The people in the crowd
"I hate crowds. They're too loud and they have too many eyes. Nasty creatures they are."
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