I was so young barley double digits
All I needed was a hug
To be told everything would be ok
Nothing seemed ok
I was changing
Everyone was changing
I stopped worrying about if my bike tires had air
Instead I started worrying about my hair
Why were people staring
I worried about what was wrong with me
Why was I like this
too loud
Too sensitive
Too different
I needed a hug
But I picked up the blade
I need to feel something
I wanted the pain
I was 10 when the lines began
I was just a child
Barley double digits
Who reached for the blade
Instead of reaching for some help

When I die
No one will mourn
There will be a funeral
Many will attend
mourning someone
That died when I was 10
The gravestone will be mistaken
About who I am
The people will weep
And mourn for long
But not for me
For they have it wrong
They will mourn the girl in the casket
A shell of who I once was
No one will mourn me
That is no lie
When I die they will mourn the shell
of a girl i once was
But the little boy inside
who’s always wanted to come out
No one will mourn him
Ace will be forgotten
He will be erased.

When you try to **** yourself
They lock you up
You’re a danger to yourself and others
“We’re here to help”
By helping they meant giving me medication
Till I am a zombie
No longer myself
But a shell of who I used to be
Why didn’t they notice all I needed was a hug
Not to be stuck
In these padded walls
“They are only here to help you”
But by helping they make me feel broken
I am not normal
I’ll never be normal
I am broken so bad
“Only we can fix you”
They says that they’ll fix me
But every time I feel
Less and less of whom I used to be
No worries in the world
Just dirt on our knees
But now we’re grown up
And there is no turning back to the way I used to be.

Simon Says
The game is easy
When Simon Says to do it you do
But if Simon didn’t say you don’t
Simple right?
Simon Says is a game of control
To train the children to do what their told
Simon says shut up and sit down
Stare ahead and don’t mutter a word
Take these notes about Romeo and Juliet
Because that’s more useful than teaching how to pay rent
The Game is a system
To keep you in line
Why are you tired?
Simon didn’t say you could be tired
Tired of the burnout
Tired of the relentless pressure
Simon says if you don’t do well you’ll fail in life
But it’s all just a game of Simon Says
Right?

You
Are the sole reason
That my dentist
Makes money.

Let me tell ya’
‘Cause I,

I’ve got your
Sugar in my veins
And tremors in my teeth
Chit-chattering your name
Safe between our sheets
It’s sweet like

Honey
Since our third date
You had my thread
Spread tenderly
On your table
Set with love
And grace

And there I was
Stitching my heart on a page
Tryna hide my baggage
On a shelf

Now

When I think of myself
I see a river
That’s got to learn
To go with the flow

So,
Send me a rhythm
For the drum beat
Beating in my chest

Let me
Carve our love
In the mountains

Mount every branch
With my beaten lungs

Tape my tongue
To your thighs
And hold my breath
Until we are
So alive

Until every
Hard workin’
Upstanding
Friendly neighborhood
Ant knows my name

So name me your soldier
I’ll fight for every piece of you
Love you like the war
Is finally over

Like winter
Is the only thing
That ain’t
Gonna come

Cause Your ****
Is like a tree
That just
It just
Keeps growing
On me

It takes my breath away
And breathes me back to life

You
Soaked my
Leaves autumn red
In your sunflower sunshine

You
Have rainy days
Warm like

Honey
Give me one room
To come home to
And I will
write you a garden
Full of poems
That I do not yet
Know how
To speak

‘Till your name
Is the sweetest
Word on my tongue

Calling you up like

Honey
Honey
Mmmm.

Who here loves *******?!!!
I mean, dogs
Obviously…
Immature people.

I love ***** shows.

Seeing them all groomed to perfection, not a hair out off place
A shame some cute faces will just go to waste.
While some may whine and some may resist,
If it’s not monetised, well… does it exist?

Lined up in a row
Look at them go
Praying and hoping to win best in show, just for a itty bitty wittle headpat, while the owner gets useful things like money.
Cause a dog can’t use money, that’s just silly

Nails perfectly trimmed
Intelligence dimmed
Watch how they walk with a little trot, so proud of themselves,
its like they forgot they only have the same rights as their owners in 6 countries.
But dogs don’t need equal working rights, that’s just silly

Look its absurd
When they whine all their words
Clogging up space with their frilly likes and their silly ums that totally like inconveniences like everyone because they have to um like listen to a ***** talk for um longer than they like totally like um have to like ***.

But they aren’t so bad, especially when you’ve had
A ***** that wont behave, a ***** that’s gone mad
Howling at the moon with their wandering wombs
It’s like there’s no party, only balloons.
If a ***** wears pants, do they go on all fours
Or do they get sent home for showing more than their paws.

Gasp at how they growl, protecting their hairy bodies, which, silly them, they don’t own.

They must be culled
Anger dulled
Knock in their thick skulls they are nothing but a *****.

We all love ***** shows, we love the ******* even more.
So come on ladies, get down on all fours.

Did you notice the crisis going on outside,
It’s terrible really they’re trying to hide
Atrocities behind a wall of big lies
The badness of this is incredibly sized.

So get out and help, you useless ****,
Shout and whisper you absolute schmuck,
March and stamp and tiptoe around red tape,
Call it ****** harassment, but I wouldn’t call it ****,
Donate and berate but most of all-

**** THE GOVERNMENT,

(Tenderly, like a lover, to not upset the way of things of course.)

Why aren’t you looking for missing kids
Why aren’t you crying at the dead body
Why aren’t you saying what Russia forbids
Why aren’t you crying at the dead body
Why aren’t you aching from every pore
Why aren’t you crying at the dead body
Why aren’t you saving all of the ******
Why aren’t you crying at the dead bodies
Why aren’t you giving your money to us?
Why, aren’t you someone the people can trust?

Did you notice the crisis going on within,
It’s terrible really, a huge massive din
Is crashing and smashing alone in your head
You can’t ever stop, unless you are dead.

Oh wait, you posted a brightly coloured infographic on your instagram story?
You’re good, never mind.

No no no no no no no
This can’t be happening again
It’s not allowed to happen
I thought this path was closed, bolted up and had broken away so we couldn’t come back
I don’t want this
I don’t want to cry again
I don’t want to see you in white one more time
I don’t want any more wrinkles on our faces or blood-red, tear-stained eyes
There are no more tears to make
Please don’t let it happen please no
No no no no
I don’t want you sick I don’t want you to go
I want you to watch me grow and maybe one day I’ll be a good mum
But I can’t do any of it if you’re not here
Don’t leave me please
Don’t leave me