The last time I wrote poetry was the last time I felt love
Now I just find it hard to write at all
when all I think about is the people
Who constantly change
And I stay still

I just don’t feel right
I let things get the better of me

These past five months I’ve changed into a person I’ve never met before
And I’m constantly searching for the past me hoping he’s still there
He felt the most
Cared the most
He made me feel wanted and loved

Time does get the best of us all doesn’t it

I’m brought back to this version of me from 10 years ago
And I feel scared and sympathize with him
Over the loss of control
And having to change everything and start from the top again either it be relations ships
Or friendships
It’s always been hard for me

I try to convince myself that I’m no longer that person and that I’ve changed
But when I’m put in a situation where I have to begin again
I give in and become small again
And wait to grow back
Like a flower having to curl up as the moon sets in place
And very slowly start to open up, slowly as the sun rises up


I’m happy to have met everyone that I love, hate, long, and despise
Thank you for such an experience I’ll never forget to the day I can’t walk no more and have brittle hands and a bedridden body
...
With a big heart

After four years of not speaking
Hearing
Listening
Feeling
Looking
For you
I saw you today and wondered for a bit
How this long road stretched farther after that
How my breathing got heavier
How my eyes started to dampen
How my hair began to undo it self
How the light kept getting into my eyes
How I kept tripping on my way home
My shoulders started to weigh more
My head heavy
My sorrow more
I sit on the other side of the front door for minutes, hours, maybe even days not noticing  time move
Always feeling the same way I was when I was next to you
I whisper to myself
“You don’t know how lucky you are”

I prayed to forget all about you
Leave you
And to never comeback
All these things happened but,
I can’t stress this enough...that was love...true love

I went to go withdraw today from school
As I left and headed to my car
I heard a “hey Oliver”
I knew it was you, the masculine tone of your voice when you held me when I cried in your arms
I just held a peace sign and left
For the first time I heard you speak and my heart didn’t ache
Now I truly know, I’m free


(I’m leaving this suburban town, never coming back)

It’s weird...
Now that I’m no longer in love with you, I have no reason to write poetry
I don’t feel the nerve anymore,
I was in a trance

I wish to understand people
That when I have the chance to...
I don’t know.


I can’t get in your head
I can’t honestly see how you feel
But I can’t necessarily talk to you at the moment

Now as he mourns over the only man who would ever love him
He wipes his tears
With his hands now wet
He dips them to the ocean
He whispers, “As the water my bed and I tired, may I rest. Take me away. Let me be whole. Let me, let me.”
I wish to understand why he did what he did
But in the end...it was all he ever knew
Love, oh love
It can ****