my dear heart,
it's flying
flying aloft
it might reach nirvana .

in the deep sea of desperate
you fell and scattered
i'm in the verge of expectation.
hoping for you would come back one day

I've spilled your name
and my feelings
on fallen lashes
and wishbones.
I've read 1950s
love letters and wondered
if we would've had
exchanged some
had we lived that time.
I've stayed up late
in air-conditioned rooms;
a ****** for midnight voice
between your broken smiles.

But boy, this isn't
a confession of how
enchanted I am of you.
This is just me realizing that
somehow,
you can make a dismal world
look a little less messed up;
god, you're beautiful for it.

This is just me realizing that
I can stay with you
for all the reasons
they left you for.

This is just me realizing that
I can fall for you,
so, so deep,
if allow myself.
and feel like I was falling to the clouds.
Boy, this isn't love,
but somehow, it's so much more.

This is a saving grace
wrapped in chipped nails
and stories that make you feel
more human.
This is a silver lining.
This is chance.
This is light,
This is hope
for damaged people
like us.

This is us —
surviving.
This is us —
living.

They say that heartbreak is one of
the worst feelings you will experience
during your time in this world.
And I used to believe that,
until I was standing and looking at someone
that I wanted,
who wanted me too

but we couldn’t have each other.

Our hands longed to touch one another,
feel a sensation we felt once
and never again.
Run our fingertips over the surface
of each others skin,
and never wanting to stop
because in that moment,

we both felt whole.

And we both felt something
that we didn’t for a really long time,
and maybe we would be okay
because we were meant to feel each others
embrace,
or maybe at the last second,
one of us would pull away

because there wasn’t enough time left for us to feel.

Because maybe it’s better to end things
short and move on,
instead of trailing along
for something we both knew
wouldn’t last much longer.
But something about knowing,
makes it hurt even more.

Because we both knew we were enough for one another.

You are autumn.
Chilly outside, but inside, you are warm.
Being around you is like being curled up indoors with a book,
Wrapped in your own universe. Maybe some hot cocoa, a little sugar.
Maybe tea, bittersweet and rich with thought.
You are colours bursting with life,
Blazing reds and yellows against a brilliant blue sky.

You are serien.
Peace.
You are the leaves that crunch,
when you step on them.
You are the smell on August chilly mornings
That melts into a sunshine filled paradise.

You are autumn.

You are also winter.
Frostbitten on the outside in a facade of cold,
Bitterness that has built up through the year.
But underneath all that you are clear, starry skies.
You illuminate things when it is least expected.

Underneath the cold you bring warmth
Comfort and shelter from the raging storms outside.

You are waking up curled in blankets on a bed
That calls for you as you try to wake.

You are a hug when it feels like nothing is going right.

You are winter
You are fall

I wish you were mine.

I had high hopes you’d make a sincere lover
I had high hopes despite your dark past
I had high hopes you were determined to change
I had high hopes you understood what I meant by change
I had high hopes despite our differences
I had high hopes we could work something out
I have high hopes now I was truly biased

For when he appears,
My lungs fill with flowers 
And for a moment I 
Forget to breathe.



The slumberling caterpillar 
In my stomach
Performs metamorphosis
And flutters around
Trying to break free.



The rivers named veins
Fill and rush to my chest,
To my head and
I forget to think.



For when he smiles,
His eyes come alive,
And I wonder
Does he thinks of me this way.