Tiny, small, sad, and meek
I haven’t eaten in a week
Afraid I’ll gain another pound
Why can’t I just ******* drown?
Fat, fat, fat is all I see
This is the 5th time today that I can’t ******* breathe
Can’t stand to gain more weight
For I’m already too heavy at one hundred and eight.

I can not follow you through the holes and lanes of the skinny people, the ones you glide effortlessly through with no concern for leaving me behind.

I can't get it out, I'm comfortable being down.
Don't try and cheer me up, don't question my frown.
Don't tell me that I'm special, that you love me so(?)
I know you're lying
And I'd rather be alone.

But you don't want to leave, so I let you stay
I say that I'm not looking for love
And you're just in my way.

I can't stand it when you're here and I hate it when you're gone.
You're getting tired of waiting - 'so ******* long'

You have to understand love, these things take time
But you're so ******* impatient,
Trying to knock down walls
That were built for you to climb.

And lately you've been distant,
Probably found someone new
You're unaware that I'm broken,
Memories of you in my head lie frozen

I am a shut bottle of happiness,
only you can open.

A gap between her thighs
And hips that protrude
Counting each rib, as if there's something left to prove
Relying on caffeine, alcohol and more
Losing out on life, passing every open door
Crying in the dark, alone next to the scale
It reminds you of your worth and how you always fail
Counting everyday, worried all the time
Can I hit a goal, will I meet the deadline
Wishing you were different, praying to be small
And finally when you get there, your problems will be solved

oh, my god,
stop praising little girls for being "tiny" and "slender" and "willowy"
for being skinny.

because the scale offers validation
and eating cheetos and twizzlers and cookies and candy without gaining a pound becomes an accomplishment
a sharp and boasting laugh
ha, ha! i can eat all the **** i want
and still be /skinny!/

because a girl will feel pride
in her ballerina legs and bony joints
and guilt
in her best friend wishing she were as small.

because "skinny" stops being an adjective
and becomes a definition.

because being skinny becomes
owning stacks and stacks of size zero jeans
but ******* and shimmying and squeezing your *** into them
(god forbid you buy a size two.)

skinny becomes looking flat in the midsection
but only if you eat triscuits for lunch that day

becomes seeing the outlines of individual ribs
but grabbing with a grimace the layer of fat and skin that covers them

becomes standing with legs spread apart and back tilted and eyes squinted
and looking maybe kind of like a forever 21 model,
until you sit and your thighs melt into huge endless expanses of tissue

becomes avoiding the bathroom scale because you told yourself two years ago you'd never get above double digits.

becomes knowing that most girls would **** for your body, or for the absence of your body - for the carved out spaces where flesh could be.

becomes feeling guilty, feeling ridiculous, feeling ungrateful
becomes never admitting to anyone that you feel anything but skinny.

Nevermind dinner.
Hungry sinner.

Burning excess calories off through dance -
ones forgotten to ingest in the first place.

Nutrition ain't no competition.
Playing a game I've got no chance of winning.
Biting off more than I can digest.
I surrender.

No contest.

Not so gracefully
We swam nakedly
Underneath the light switch in your childhood bedroom
Just a touch or two
We look up at the blue from the swimming pool at
The stars in the skies
Inside your eyes I dive
So dead not so alive
I'll be for another year or two
I don't know that much about you

Swimming in the cold waters
I feel a shame that bothers
Me. I don't know what you see
But it's something I don't know about me
Painfully I cry
And curse the good things in life and try to find my inner desires
You hold me tight under the stars in the swimming pool
A place in time a peace of mind

So casually we cease to be
A bittersweet memory
Of a time I wanted more than I could be
And now we might have a sight clouded by the darkness of a night
The stars are the only light to guide us through our dreams
When we dream you're going to dream with me
Life is another place separated from our dream reality
And at night the stars shine again.

I know a girl
a girl that cries in the mirror
because, when she sees her reflection
she grabs for the base
She sees an imperfection
Pretty, yet worried about her face
She puts black on her eyes
foundation is her mask
her disguise
Skinny, yet worried about her size
"Too fat!" she says
it's all about the guys..
She hides what she really is
''MUST LOOK PRETTY
MUST LOOK HOT
MUST LOOK ****''
that's all she's got.
or so she says
no life
no love
no friends...
I...I don't think so...