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NitaAnn May 2015
My heart is longing
Longing for something
Or someone
To fill this void in my life.

Someone who will love
All of me
Including the bad and ugly parts.

Someone who will take the time
To learn my secrets
What haunts me at night
Who will not run away when it gets tough.

Someone who will help me
Fight the demons inside
Who will stand next to me
And hold my hand.

My heart is longing
Longing for something
Or someone
To fill this void in my life.

I am here
Where are you??
NitaAnn May 2015
I am

NOT

Your

Pet project!

You cannot fix broken!
Walk away
Don't look back!*

STOP
NitaAnn May 2015
I am done
Done struggling
Finished trying
Doesnt matter
What I say or do
Never good enough.

I will never become
What you want.

The struggle is wearing me down
I cannot take it anymore
I am tired
So tired

Tonight
I am
Walking away.

The end is here.
There's a devil in each of us,
And an angel lives there too.

I saw the angel inside me,
Begging in tears to be set free.

But the devil stepped up,
shutting her up for so long.

I almost forgot her plea,
So I carved to set her free.

No one did understand,
How much this meant to me.

They stopped me for good,
Which stopped me from good.

It's been too long since then,
When i last saw her,
I'm afraid they killed the angel in me...
NitaAnn Apr 2015
Why do we make plans?

We plan our lives
Out day by day.
Saying we want
To go here
Accomplish this and that.

But in reality
Nothing ever goes the way you plan.

Bumps in the road
Detours
Side paths.

Never the way you plan
So why do we bother?

Stop planning for a future
That may never come.

Learn to cherish today
You may not have tomorrow.
I see it:
In your cautious movements,
From the stillness in your stare,
On your skin.

I hear it:
In stifled hisses of pain,
From metal tinkling in your bag,
On the playlist of songs that scream-
YOU ARE BROKEN

I smell it:
In your sleeve- desperate bleaching,
From your bag- antiseptic,
On your skin- salt and iron.

I taste it:
In your food- why won't you eat?
From your drink- tepid and untouched.
On your lips- cold...
Salt and iron again.

I feel it:
In your summer-sweat long sleeves,
From your stinging tears on my chest,
On your skin-
Sunken lines raised and rising.

I know it:
In our skin,
From from our past,
On flesh that will never let us forget,
But will always remind us to forgive.
always anxious Mar 2015
you know one of those days
where everything you do seems to be wrong.
where people bug you.
even more than usual.
one of those days
where your favorite candy, is right next to you
but you don't even feel like taking one bite
where you want to do everything
but don't even have the courage to write a good poem?
and you just end up writing something like this.. i hate those days.
NitaAnn Feb 2015
The struggle is real these days.
Seems like every wagon
That DT encourages me to stay on
I keep falling off of.

Come on, Nita, get on
Join the No SI Wagon
Up I hop
And almost as quickly as I am on
I find myself barely staying there
Before you know it
Off I fall
To my
Demise.

Come on, Nita, get on
Join the Sober Wagon
Up I go
And it is the same story
Barely hanging out
Soon to come flying off.

Why can I not stay on?
Does not matter what the wagon is
I am a failure at staying on.
Falling off at the smallest frustrations.

Somebody out there
Share your secrets
How does this work?
What am I doing wrong?
NitaAnn Feb 2015
I do not have words
That will express
How I am feeling right now.*

Overwhelmed
Lost
Hurting
Exhausted


*These barely scratch
The surface of how I feel.
cecelia Jan 2015
remember me
as vivid as i used to be.
now i am slowly sinking into entropy.
catastrophe-
that's all i'll ever be.
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