My thoughts are on a merry go round,
churning my mind in perpetual cycles
till it has been named chaos.

A certain memory rings in my ear,
deafening out the world;
as it climbs and slithers down my spine
echoing through the hollow shell I've become.

Time is limited,
Use it well,
Don’t be bigoted,
live in hell,
Your hours are
minimal,
Should ring a bell,
Minutes used right
can be pivotal,
don‘t live in a shell,
These few seconds can be
Critical,

do not create your own cell

An enemy to myself
a ******* up book fallen off the shelf
God please help me, save me through hell
my plea, I plead, I need all help
seek shelter from shell
this vessels a flooding jail cell
my fate unassisted destruction foretell
this world's a system, I'm lowly rappel
repelled from the flame up top as well
not dismissive of mission to pass through natural
or worldly but the worry has me shaken but desensitized stiff
mistaken, surly i can't, won't adrift
off course, of course not

Do people ever admit
When they are two-faced?
If not, let me be the first
Because I need to throw away this toxic waste.
The more you get to know
My fake, happy shell,
You will start to learn that under that ****
I live in my own private hell.
If anyone gets this shell open
They always end up leaving
The real me is never good enough
So the shell stays closed and I’m left grieving.

Every man that I have ever let inside me is you,
Mom.
Every man that I have ever let see me,
touch me, open me up.
Expecting them to tear down the walls that are hundreds of feet high,
just to walk right through
as if my guarded heart is a sliding glass door.  
As if they can see right through my frame.
They see me: bold, opinionated, strong.
But They all have all looked right though me, and can see the little girl who wants to be loved.
They told me they loved me.
Touched the hidden places that have hurt to touch,
as if they knew exactly where they could be found.
Only to treat me like a warm body for their cold. Blood.
They take me as a shell.

Because, like you Mom, they exploit me.
Use my weakness in seeing good, reading what makes me tick,
Learn to gain my trust.
Just to abandon me.
Like you.

Focusing on taking steps after steps
but forgetting to take a breath
Mimicing strength while my shield was rusting
I said I am fine too many times

I know this shell needed to break
So I could shine
This mask needed to fade away
So I could look at myself in the mirror

Admitting my vulnerability
and finding the chemistry of happiness
Admitting my ignorance
and finding the road to knowledge

Where there is room for improvement
There is space to grow
When things seem to collapse
Just an opportunity to start again

Some dreams can never be shared, Some dreams can never be told,
When your old; when your cold.

I look into your eyes, and I wonder where you have gone?
and I pray; yes I pray, that you've made it through the stars !

Some dreams can never......

Song link
https://youtu.be/n7LMWl9rEfI