It's funny how I promote how it's
not good to be angry, because it really
only affects yourself,
But I do in fact get angry....
Except it's only at myself.

Everything was easy with you, and I suppose that's why I loved it. There is beauty in simplicity, but there is nothing beautiful about a girl crying herself to sleep at night wondering where she went wrong and messed everything up. There is nothing beautiful about a girl staring into the mirror and only seeing every single one of her flaws and knowing exactly why she isn't special enough for you. There is nothing beautiful about a girl who hates herself because she was stupid enough to fall for every sweet word that fell off the tip of your tongue. There is nothing beautiful about a girl deciding between all of her morals or the guy who makes her "happy". So I guess maybe loving you wasn't all that simple or beautiful after all.

I know what it must be like
to deal with me;
but I assure you
it's not as hard
as dealing with being me.

I simultaneously push people away,
keep them at a distance with falsities
designed to prevent incidents
like people actually getting to know the real me

and wish they knew enough to understand
why

why it is that I grew to become this.

if i ever
find someone
to love
me
they'll love
the mole
on my chin
the bump
by my eye
my toenails
my stretch
marks and
every last
faded
scar
every last one
of my
flaws.

if i ever
love
myself
i'll love
the mole
on my chin
the bump
by my eye
my toenails
my stretch
marks and
every last
faded
scar
every last
flaw.

but don't
you dare
tell me
that the
two are
related.

I mean, you look at yourself
What do you see?
I'm studying the carcass in front of me
Who had died last year
It's eyes were black sockets where they used to shine bright
For the light had left them long ago

A shrunken, loose leather hung from the bones
The brain bled
The heart ripped
A permanent smile
The fingers curled at the end
That's what stood across in the mirror, the truth

This room filled with the aroma of death
And anger, sadness, and fear
I can't help but wonder if the reflection was what my future was supposed to be
Or that is how I truly looked on the inside

What about you?
What do you see?

Waiting my turn in
----------------------------- line
for the golden star
from Self-Gratification.

Now to find the shortest aisle.

It's easy to preach self love
And self acceptance
Until you're ļaying awake at night
Weeping sorrow and anger
At the bones that hold you
And the skin that binds you
And every crack and blister
That your pale shivering body owns
It's easy to talk about self love
When there are at least some things
That can be seen
As worth loving.

i have nothing left but these pills of mine
bottoms up