What do I do
with this conflicting feeling?

I want to go back home—
to safety,
to comfort.

But I also want to live,
to explore.

I want to be married,
to care for a home,
for a family.
I found meaning there.
I found purpose.

And who am I
without that skin?

Have I given
the other versions of me
a chance to appear?

I don’t know why you showed up in my life.
Was it God’s test?
Satan’s trick?
The universe showing me
I wasn’t happy—
or that I’d never be satisfied
in that marriage?

I don’t want all the answers now.
I don’t think I even need them.

You touch me
and yes,
I melt for you.
But in other moments,
I don’t want you at all.

Something in me says
that even if you are
communicative, romantic,
and so much more—
and even if the cards say
we’re meant to work out—

I see you have much to grow.
And I wanted you grown already.

Maybe it’s because
I’ve already been through a marriage,
but I still want more from you.

You still need to be shaped.
Will it be me
who shapes you?

There is a goddess in me—
long asleep.

She woke.
I fed her.
I listened to her voice.
She sang the most beautiful songs to me.

But then I put her back to sleep
and forgot her.

Now she has awakened again,
and she sees—
if it were up to me,
nothing would change.

I believe this goddess
is the lost child within me,
braver than I am,
pushing me toward the choices
I was so afraid to make.

Living
was one of them.

I’ve written about this before—
the missing piece.

Yes, the piece is already here.
I don’t need to search for anything.

Who said emptiness must be filled?
Who said it’s even empty?
Couldn’t it be a wound
that only needs to heal?

I am already whole.
I just need to be aware of it—
and that
is the hardest part.