I wander down the path
Seemingly still and quiet
No shadows in sight
But a light so bright
What could be, this Enigma?
I’m mesmerized, so transfixed
And with its grace and beauty
It rejects every stigma

my Invigoration
simple conjuration
of feeble elation
becomes condemnation
an exacerbation
of lost contemplation

falling to the floor i find myself
beyond salvation and left to starvation
I did not choose this, to feel this, or to be thrown away
My intentions are gold, no ill will in sight
but they choose to see what they want

HARK!
A figure engulfs the horizon
Shrouded and concealed from the world
It charges forth as a familiar phantom
It strikes me back as I stagger away
Its cloak blackens the sky to my dismay
as air evaporates bleeding my mind astray
but hope is in sight for I have found a knife!
again and again, Brutus would be proud
for the pool beneath the figure must end my strife
and to the figure, I remove its cowl
lo and behold, the face is my own
reality then breaks at the seams
to have this fate, I couldn’t have known
lost and diluted much like my dreams
My hands remain red
Trapped in my own head

we are the masters of self-destruction
trying to numb the pain with wine
and drugs
and smoke filling up our lungs,
we write down in lines with no rhyme
all the things
that make our souls burn and die.
our poems bleed
we drink their blood
then we write again,
listening to stupid songs all night
wishing sometimes we were deaf
wishing we were dead.
we let the doors open
anyone with a knife can come inside
cutting our hearts in half,
any tear is welcome
to create the ocean around us
in which we deliberately drown ourselves.
masters of self-destruction,
our bodies are temples where dying souls hide,
we run till our legs are broken
jump off cliffs
go between sharks' cheeks
forgetting to sleep
to dream
we bleed
we drink
we love
and hurt
it's a madmen game we play
each day
laughing hysterically
while slowly taking steps to the graves
we dug for ourselves,
the masters of self-destruction we are
lunatics
worshiping what's not for us to adore
crying
hiding
falling again
and again.
legs broken,
hearts cut and eaten
flesh ripped from our bones
lungs full of water
ears burnt
our eyes scream
but that's fine
'cause we are the masters of self-destruction
and our life is just a mad game

I crave bitter things when I’ve not eaten
Like how water tastes perfect when you’ve an angry thirst
But it’s really normal
Fundamental
And nothing more than necessary
Like breathing after swimming the whole length underwater
Well I’ve not eaten yet today
It’s the way I feel most like a bad person
Crave the devil for punishment
Find comfort there instead of in a willing peace
I’ve always been a reckless wanderlust
Nothing’s ever easy
Because I make sure of it
And if it’s offering I make sure to decline
If you want my love I’ll be sure to keep it
Just out of spite
All to myself
If you want me to do well
I’ll fail just on principle
Control
Chaos
All a servant of my choice
I’ll choose you
The bitter food
Deliberately starved as I am

A devil stands on my both my shoulders
They whisper, "just do it, no one cares anyway"
So I take this weapon of self destruction
And cut away to bleed out the guilt until I feel nothing at all...

Your presence is tangible
Across the vast expanse
Yet, I hear not your voice
I feel not your longing
Mine, is the only heart I hear
Alone, for the first time in eternity
Alone, wrapped in your essence
Just a whisper of warmth
A choice all your own
To be alone
A choice that you have forgotten
Includes me
For we flow throughout each other
Still, here we are
I feel you trying not to feel me
And I close my eyes
Praying death over a life that begins here
And ends without you
'tis not a choice could I make
'tis not a life...alone

Not often, but
there are times
when the noise in my head
turns way up
and the dial breaks off,
and all I want is quiet,
when I feel the pull
of something terminal,
feel the dark, velvety lure
of swallowed pills or gun barrel,
the stealthy seduction of carbon monoxide,
the skull-exploding swan dive
onto shocked concrete,
the warm bath with low light and sharp blades.
I can covet that big, simple answer, too, sometimes.
I can long for that complete, forever silence.
But I know I'm only window shopping.

I've been on a journey, took a trip and a half.
Tempted by fate, I decided my path.
Took confusion and anger, mixed it with speed.
I created my hell, to which this journey did lead.
¨
I looked into hell, and saw twisted ******* inside.
They turned fear against me, my weakness was pride.
I refused to be broken, but searched for my  best
I found fear but a feeling, which belonged with the rest.

With a jump to my step, I put a skip in my charge.
My heart it was racing, my ego enlarged.
Returning once more, I made my way back.
To a world now so different, I climbed through the crack.

I faced my own end, with humility and grace.
I stared my own hell, straight in the face.
with choices so few, I rose on above.
My Instinct my guide, it lead me with love.

My life wasn't over, not ended complete.
And in my short madness, I defeated defeat.
Have strength my dear friends, there's hope each new day.
Remember you choose hell, and let it take you away.

We make our own hell, we breath in it life.
Fueling its fires, with anger and strife.
don't give in to darkness, be a star seen above.
shining your kindness and compassion and love.

Destroy your own hell, before its too late
your life is in your hands, don't give in to fate.
Take heed of my warning, and learn from my tale
Arrogance consumes you, and will cause you to fail.

Poison put in a sacred chamber
seeps into its pores.

There is a dark storm on the horizon -
Let's have fun.
The storm will never come.

Swift, numbing winds blow
across the arid plain
with a hushed belligerence.
They are bringing the storm this way.
Familiar foes fill the empty space.
The storm is back.
First, the wind blows me back
And I am numb.
And I am gone.

After the winds, the storm hits.
Days go by.
Then, the storm is gone,
and I can see the sun.
I can see the sun,
but I cannot feel it on my face.
The storm is inside me
where the sun cannot reach.
Forever, I will carry the storm.
I will wait for the next wind to blow
So at least I can feel numb.

This poison.