I wander lonely in the dark
Arms held out to feel through maze
This rocky road has left its mark
Much safer crawl through murky haze

How long have I been plodding on
With no sanctuary close in sight
All my humanity now gone
My heart much blacker than the night

All senses gone all reason lost
This hostile path at set of sun
Continue on no thought of cost
Must march for nothing can be won

At breaking point I cry aloud;
“Just to behold His saving light”
And wings surround me as a crowd
Fly free of gloom to glory bright!

Sunlight plays
across the field of flowers
alluring colors
consume me
in timeless beauty
sorrow fades
while joy skips easy
to new heights
the rare light
seized in my mind
this moment
I won't let go
yes I am
touched by something
that blooms and grows
reason to live
so obvious now

Flesh and pleasures
Anxiety and loneliness
Tempted
Forms of confusion
Tangled in shame
Guilt untamed
Shattered tears
Shadowed in fears
Hiding in pain
Breaking in vain
Feeble
Surrender
Saved
Sanctified
Justified
Called
Eternity

Peace, happiness, security-
we reach for these,
but they often
slip from our grasp
as life
             wreaks

                         its

                          havoc

                           ­    on

                               our

                             hearts,
                             and we hit bottom.

Chaos                         around
              flutters
our
                    heads      ­             bats
                       like

worries crowd in and fill our ears eyes and lungs until they're our every waking moment and we can't breathe as they surround us,

and loss,
coming and going in a flash,
takes us out at the knees,
rips someone from their place
in our hearts,
and leaves us
b  r  o  k  e  n
on the ground
with no way out...

Until

a still, small voice
beckons you
out
of your pain;
the whisper
of a Father who
promises
love,
peace,
and an end to the darkness.*

His arms encircle you,
His presence fills you,
His love hushes your pain,
like a mother quieting her child,
changing your tears
of heartache
to those
of awe
that this kind of love
should not only
simply
exist,
but be given to you.
And on the heels of love
comes *peace.

Electricity-
searing through
every vein,
body brimming with
voltage, head to toe,
lightning
that strikes
every nerve simultaneously;
blinding, white hot pain
-
then blackness.

Flames-
the piercing spasms
of ten thousand sunburns,
combined with
the unbearable heat
of smothering summer darkness
licks slowly
up
       up
              up
your legs,
choking, choking
on dry smoke
and the ash of your own body;
screams, melting flesh, can't breathe, can't breathe,
-
then blackness.

Nails-
cleaving wrists
and feet,
invasive, bone-deep,
soul-deep
pangs, aches, agony,
as they punch out the other side
and iron
meets beam,
locking limbs in places.
Then lifting,
lifting,
lifting,
until you're
finally,
horribly,
upright,
hanging by your wrists,
iron grating
and grinding
against bone,
slowly,
oh so slowly,
suffocating under your own weight,
as muscle and sinew
convert from
allies
to traitors,
turning on you,
compressing,
and eventually crushing,
your lungs;
minutes          hours                      days
-
then blackness.

Oh, humanity.
Oh, terribly, cruelly creative
humanity.
So many torturous ways
to ****,
to execute
each other.

- the chair
- the stake
- the cross
- countless, countless others
each more brutal
than the last.
Oh, humanity.

Yet somehow...

the cross left
this darkness
for light,
a symbol of hope for
millions.
Men, women, children
everywhere
draw hope from
the cross.

WHY?

Why?
Because
we know
who it has
murdered - killed - slaughtered
massacred - executed - slain
sacrificed
but didn't
destroy;
who it
failed
to defeat.
The cross
couldn't defeat
HIM.

Going through the motions
A vast and blackened ocean
Drinking in this potion
They say is for my best
Breathing in and breathing out
Stagnant air flows through my mouth
Vision fading, thirst like drought
No pause, no peace, no rest.

Awoken from my walking slumber
I reach from my realm of under
For a grasp, for a lover
Of my weary soul
New light breaks through ground and grime
I feel a punctured hand in mine
With whip torn flesh, and spear pierced side
He lifts me from this hole.

Lost sight restored to all fullness
My thirst is quenched, the air now fresh
I see Him there, my soul's found rest
My savior, it is He.
And now I will forever praise
The one who saved my life with grace
How beautiful, the bloodstained face
of Jesus, Lord, and King!
|b.g.|

Fluttering at shutter speed.
Is it my heart inside my chest,
or my lungs palpitating.

It is my veins.  
Rushing with blood, or collapsing for lack of.

It is my stomach. Eating away its own lining;
Acidic paint splattered across its walls. Whitewashing them
With every sporadic convulsion I feel.

A fortnight,
No sleep.

When I do sleep, I do not sleep.

I am depressed. Unhappy.  Not entertained.  

Overly-dramatic.

Questioning every decision I’ve ever made about life,
I inflate with anger.

I think about opportunities passed.

I revolt with envy when I see artists prevail.

I am a miserable **** brimming with unseen talent.




I miss cigarettes.

I miss *******.

Cheap whiskey and grinding my teeth
until 2 in the afternoon when my bloodshot eyes’ll tell you more
than you could ever learn reading my palms.

Fake prophesies of people who never really cared,

and rooms lit up with cheap disco lights and moist carpets.
Perfectly ripened with mildew and sweat and DNA.


The saved lives of unborn infants.


The lucky few.