Tears rain onto cheeks as you watch
In my head wheels spin around
Speech crackling like phone line static
Words blurs barely making sound
How can it be I already epitomize alone?
You reassure me there's plenty of time
Doubts creep like morning fog
Mentally assessing mountain you must climb
Staring at fragile fingers
Present compared to past
Sun set in an instant
Night falling fast
Surroundings mostly hazy
Some parts crystal clear
Ironically what I witness best
Are the things I long to disappear
I'm left with knot in my stomach
Getting tighter with each turn
Wanting peace known as a child
Naivete time won't return
I bought one-way ticket to worry
Shouldn't have boarded train at all
Choke my sorrows and lungs with smoke
Drown yours in alcohol
Life nicer through a glass
Sure it ensures your fear departs
Pulse started pounding louder in my ear
Love wistfully contained within hearts
I cannot explain terror
Bleeding out
Hole will not close
Stubborn ways too old to change
Your incongruence shows
Forcing hope straight down throat
Waiting for falsity to be revealed
Flowers you planted instead of weeds
To be crushed on cruel battlefield
Your comfort tonelessly whispers to me
Thought that would soothe my stress
Did not argue with your perspective
For your sake try obsessing less
But under surface shrieking
Phrases pondered remaining hid
Grasping for method to save you
Before you are gone and I wished that I did

Why do I feel the need to explain myself to myself
Using preloaded excuses from myself for myself then toward myself
Feels impossible to keep myself safe from myself
In the attempts to escape myself I've lost myself
What's it going to take to save myself from myself?
The endless battle with my mental health, fighting myself despite myself
Do I even know myself well enough to know if I should save myself?
Why, at times, do I want to be someone else?
These are the things I ask myself...
...I tell myself to keep it too yourself

©2023

New day, my worries fade away
I feel your happiness
Times brought in a new companion
Friendship settle in
New day, feels so good, I pray
How fast the old days fade away.

New days, less mistakes
Blessings came upon yourself
Times changed, love has came
No confusion settled in, mmm

New days, I rise
Let the new journey begin
new day

“Cold world is getting hard to breathe
Hours change, it’s getting hard to see
Yet, your light helps me see
Lord, I thank thee”

New days, I avoid old mistakes
Sometimes it’s complicated during
urging times I start to feel less sane
So I write down your advice
that reminds me of
those down falls, a reminder of numbness

Then I ease my mind
by calling your name because I
don’t feel like I’m by myself.
Oh, oh, my
New days, I by myself
hoping I make you proud
crying out
Mmm, yeah, tearing up

Better behavior
So I pray for the new greater days
Constant laughter
So I pray for the new greater days
Different expectations
So I pray for the new greater days
And I pray new days continue day after day