i dream about reunions.
my eyes close and my mind runs there.
it will be star kissed and blooming, wet and kind.
i can already feel my cheeks, sore with smiling.
and i will be with them:

my ghosts

i've missed them so ******* much.
but all the galaxies and years and pain keeping me from those i have loved will be nothing (forgotten) when i can touch them again.

Remember
The last time We were
in Dallas together

That place where We met
We loved and We lived
and where We were
so very alive in Our time

There in the beautiful city
Resplendent and Refined
Where we spent Our moments
in love in life
and the quiet vibrant
Love of Life

Remember
That last time
We went back home
to Dallas

On that day we awoke
in the early morning
When I asked if you
were ready to leave

You stepped gracefully
to embrace me
You said We had time
Do you think We might...
please

You knowing surely
without a doubt
you never needed
to plead

We made love
like We knew
that We meant it
We made love
that isn't made fast

We made love
in the joys
of pleasing each other
A love that would always
however still last

We soon then
were on our way
on a beautiful bright
late Fall day

To see someone
back home

You there then
golden and glorious
Happy and smiling
Sipping on a Sunkist
citrus soda

We put the car on cruise
and We sailed away
Slipping quickly from
the rustic western country

To merge swiftly
into the flow of
the magnificent city
Toward the inbound
expressway

Remember the majestic
towering skyscrapers
as we made the loop
around downtown

The red flying Pegasus
still flying on
as the emblem
of Our hometown

Reunion Tower
and the magic of light
The Top of the Dome Club
at the top of the world
Such wonderful times
at the top of Our life

Remember Our date there
when We were yet still young
that lasted the afternoon
Throughout the evening and
all that beautiful night long

For You then my Lady
A perfect Chardonnay wine
For me Johnny Walker
on the rocks

All to perfectly bind
the heart and mind
To a wondrous moment
Overswept yet fixed in time

You by my side as
I always had hoped
Like that very last time
We were in Dallas
together back home

We made our stop
to meet with a doctor friend
He knew what I could never
believe and what I never
wanted to have had
to comprehend

You were gone by measures
You were gone by degree
You were going
and near hopelessly
gone unto me

Yet I still hoped
and believed

The last time
We went back home
to Dallas together again

But still on the way back
from Our bright shining city
to what would become
the darkest of desolations

You still were happy
or so it seemed
You were bright and beautiful
like in a perfect dream

We stopped at a restaurant
I ate a lot...but You did not
You stepped away for a minute
and then I met you at the car

When We got back
to that place
where together
We last lived
We embraced and
You said again...
please

Surely You never
would have ever
needed to plead

We first lay there
together a moment
to recover Our strength
Entwined together
You and me

Then We there
were immersed within
that precious moment
When all of beautiful
intimate art is
expressed in life

And all of love
becomes perfectly
tragic art

There is where
I felt the trickle
of Your tears
as they fell down
onto my chest

And then there
upon my heart

After that last time
We were back
home in Dallas
together.

Remember Dallas.
We always
will have Dallas.

-R.

7/17/17
-LA


-4MAR

You went out of sight, you went out of mind,
You went out of sight, you went in my heart so blind.
The pain of your leave, I had revealed to none,
The pain of your leave, for you were my only one.

I hid the truths from myself, asked myself to comply,
I hid the truths from myself, but never confronted with a lie.
The mysteries I blocked, become one history,
and the history I spoke, was just another mystery.

You were all I had gained, you were all I had lost,
You were all I ever wanted, yet I compromised your cost.
And now the stars we had placed, twinkle every night,
They twinkle in this darkness, to show me your light.

I feel a bit strange, as if I have lost track of you,
I need your presence, I need it for those moments few.
For in your absence am I, just a grain of sand,
come save me from this oblivion, just lend me a hand.

You're everything I had gained, oh my memory,
Now stands your absence, in the way of my memory...
Now stands your absence in the way of my memory...

As She waits at the bus stop, a young man approaches her
“Do you have the time ma’am? ”
She ignores him and looks straight ahead, because if She speaks She won’t be able to hold it in
“Ma’am? ”
He steps directly in front of her, and before She can stop herself, She has her eyes trained on his
Everything about them is familiar
She can even see the small streaks of blue in the hazel that had made her feel safe with him so many years ago
And as He looks at her now, with deep concern in his eyes, She can pretend that He is the same as before
Like how his nose would crinkle when She cried because He hated it when She wasn't happy
And in the 8 seconds that have just passed She can see the realization of who She is flicker across his dilated pupils
She needs to ask ‘why? ’
She wants to be angry
But all She does is take out her phone and say “Half past twelve”
And He can’t even look at her as he mumbles “Thank you” and asks for a dollar
And when He asks for that dollar, something inside of her shatters, and then ignites a flame
Of all the things to say
Of all the things to ask
Of all the things to apologize for…
But She can’t waste this moment being angry with him
So She pulls out a twenty with a shaking hand
But as She goes to place it in his, his fingers intertwine with hers and She looks up just in time to be trapped in his gaze
Trapped in his gaze that whispers soft ‘I love you’’s and sincere apologies
And it is in this moment that He says “Thank you” and She knows that it isn’t just for the money
Suddenly She is wrapped in memories of them, and how they were before He sold his soul to the streets
They stand like this, just staring at one another for a moment, and then the bus pulls up and He releases her
He plants a butterfly kiss on her forehead and leaves, for what feels like the thousandth time
And for what feels like the thousandth time, She wants to tell him how much She misses him
She wants to tell him how much the little girl in her longs for his comforting touch
She wants to tell him how much his absence has changed their mother
She wants to tell him that no matter how high He gets, He still won’t make it to heaven
But She just gets on the bus, and lets the pain run down her cheeks, into her lap, and back into her skin
And She waits for the day when She is waiting at the bus stop when a young man approaches her
“Do you have the time ma’am? ”

Whisper soft sins into my ear
The night can blanket us both
As we rise and fall onto eachother
With the stars dancing above us
To rejoice our secret reunion..
I forgot how much I missed your soft lips
And their taste on mine
As they mapped out deep secrets
Tracing my scars under the moonlight..
Unravel me with your deep dark eyes
A pool of brown ever so captivating.
Claim me as yours once again my love
As we breathe the same air
We'll dance together
Creating our own music
Forever locked away in the depths
Of our fated sheets
As the universe erupts
To acknowledge our doomed love..
Mark me as yours
As I lose myself in your scent
Burning tonight into memory
Hoping we'll meet again soon
For between the whispered words you left
There was still much left to be said...

I left my home
in the hands
of estranged friends

only to find it again
nearly two years later,
a weekend in Cleveland.


I made it to the door
with the last sleepy tendrils of sun
flaking from drooping eyes.

Communion is served
at 5:30 sharp by hands
adorned with hard work.

The elements are passed,
fire and glass,
'round a table with seats for 6.

It is then I realized...
in the half-light
it was decided.

I never left the pew.
My religion is still community.

I hardly remember
a ******* thing
about that day
before gazing into his eyes
once again, for the first time

rushing toward the exit
running from the baggage claim;
it was all a blur,
as walked through those doors
all I remember was the vastness
of the first sight,
stepping into the bright, unfamiliar place
& nothing else, but him

I scanned the crowd
the strange faces waiting
for loved ones
emotion thick enough to touch
in the air,
but just to my right
in the front
with his body pressed up against the metal bar,
I saw him

it was the first time I saw his face
not through a photo or webcam
in a time that was so long it ached
I think I lost my breath
did I leave my things behind when I ran?
I don't remember,
I just ran to him

it was too surreal
I can't remember a moment between
seeing his face, & kissing his lips
nor what kind of kiss it was
or how long it lasted
I just couldn't fathom it
I was really there
it was really him
& it didn't matter where we were
it was all a wonderland
to me, I was holding his hand again
everything was bright & new
it was magic, pure magic