Silence

Digging
The search for words
Leaves me empty and blister-handed
Despair and thought swirl in a voiceless dance
Between my ears and
Any will I've had to speak
Disappears where my breath meets my lips
Guttural instinct has me know
There are things that need to be said
Words to be exchanged
Explanations waiting
Perched
Perilously on the edge
Of solving all
And no going back
And yet

Silence. And everything is dead.

Concept: I have spent two days laying in bed, in the dark, I awaken today and decide to leave the confines of my room. The sun is shining. Everything is warm.

I saw you
Perched and weary
Resting near my barred, abandoned soul
I felt your eyes slide into mine
Blackened and worn
Their faded dimness
Pierced through my stone grave home

And two become one
We cleanse each other's sins
In blood
spilled and collected
In our separate trails of dust
I trust the safety
I thought you sought
And felt the same
Terror struck
You waver
But it's late
And I tear through my walls
Let you refuge inside
Watch my demons show
I frighten
You run away

I watch
Perched and weary
You turn to the ghost

Falling
Fleeting
This disaster repeating
A relapse
Small words
Make them easy to understand
I can't think to much
There is no permanence
I can only see what's in front of me
Little dreams
I strung them along
I tried to see the line
Trying to connect them all
Little droplets
I don't know if they are tears
Another relapse
Mistakes and mistakes
Again and again
I find my self here
Walking the line between dreams and reality
But both directions are dark
And I can barely breathe

10:29PM
nothing better to do,
that's why i did it.
drugs never caught me
do the police, darling.
i started
to sweat,
you started
to swear.
you felt terribly real
inside my mind for a second there.
she said,
"honey, will you fix my hair?"
i said, "not anymore, baby. no."
lie.
obviously.
not you.
me.

Retreating to the known and dangerous.
Easing into the normalcy of generated lines.
Letting the red tears run in place of the salt water ones.
Allowing myself to enjoy the comfort of pain.
Pain strikes but is welcomed at the gate.
Shutting out the emotions instead.
Eyeing them outside the window, wishing they would wash away.

Showing the mirror what I’ve done.
Under the black cloud of shame and guilt.
Creating a place of daggered walls and floors.
Kicking yourself just to make you learn.
Silently wishing for death to come.

A speck
It festers

Silently
Growing

Leeching
Unnoticeably

Raspy voiced  
Less than whispered

Barely noticed
A pesky itch

Ignore
A twitch

Ignore
It won't exist

Ignore
Fade away

Please
The edge is turning grey

The plague is back
Black

And here to stay

In truth
It never really went away

I yearn for love, but cannot give it
The pain inflicted on me is destined to come again
My heart lacks in passion
Body deprived of pleasure
And mind in fear of relapse