Like an animal of the night, my wolf spirit chases,
An exquisite insanity, one in which I revel,
A slow prey with poisonous blood and sweat, with three faces
That, when caught, it whispers to me frailly, in hope to bedevil.

One face spits drunk and boiled spillage,
This one barks passionately without end.
The stock face of an accepted devilry, an advantage,
And an addictive **** that it lets out, a disadvantageous blend.

The other two look normal, but they rarely make sounds,
The deranged smoker is a thinker, a dying fool,
While the one in charge listens, teaches and knows,
While it fights with the other two.

The prey never runs away, but it sickly comes back to taunt my soul.
It tries to enthrall me with its black art, knowing my weaknesses by heart,
Sometimes I catch the prey, to which I whisper: “Feel my spit, black like a coal,
Never come back, you better hide, you haven’t seen yet my crazy part.”

And with a magical schism the prey splits
And hungry for adrenaline, my spirit chases them

In the cold morning of tomorrow
You will see him running
The world would sleep as he speeds up
The hands of the clock would stop turning.

Today we shall sit and wonder together
Why the man would run so fast
As our lives come to a complete rest
The running man goes back to the past.

He would run from his problems
He would run from the strife
He would run with all his strength
From the man who wielded the knife.

As he neared the end of his journey
Reaching the time he wanted to go back to
His past collided with him again
His future was split right in two.

The man he wanted to save was gone
He was in his past all by himself
His self destruction had caught up with him
He realized he can't save people from themselves.

Here is something
From someone
You'll never miss
Nor expect
Will ever miss you,
But still I wish
I could have had the chance
To be your friend,
But it's way too late already
For what can never be,
But still I wish
I could have met you long ago,
So that we would be older
And you won't be too young
To be this early,
But still I wish
I could have found out sooner,
But it was too sudden
And nobody saw it coming,
But still I wish
I could visit you now
But I'm far away,
Not only by miles
But from the list of people
You want to be there,
But still I wish
I could at least cry,
But who am I anyway
To mourn for you
When I am just a name
Who rings a bell
Without a sound,
But still I wish
I could just sing you a song
In my most sorrowful voice
Since it's all I could do
At times like this,
But what good
Would that do anyway,
When you won't hear it
Cause you're already gone
And I'm just another one
Of the many
Whom you must've thought
Never saw you there.
But I did,
All the time.
Since we were in junior high,
Until now.
And I have always known
You could be so much more,
And you would reach places
With that charming face
And that strength and grace
I will never forget,
But I just didn't think
That the first great leap
Would be to heaven.
But I know
That even until there
You will still shine out
From the rest,
And down on us,
And we could only look up
Every night
To see you smile.
But still I wish,
I could thank you
For letting me realize
How thankful I should be
For being still here
Even though we're frail
And life is harsh
And some of us don't make it,
But I'm sorry
You had to stop
While I continue,
But still I wish
I could do anything at all
So this would not have meant
Another lament.

Blue
like my soul,
a fraction of what is due
for sin that took its toll.

Oh I have been mean
She cried but there was no tear
She asked why but I could not tell

She asked again but I could not say
How have I been to have this day

She asked me to leave and never come back
And gave me what I had given back

"On a more serious note, I need the space and a break
So lets cut the calls and text she said"

I asked for how long
She said until you are sure about what you really want I will be here

Now I miss her
I miss her more than I ever had
And I hope this is not it

I wish I haven't been mean

1.) I hate that you ruined my chance to be a kid. You stole my childhood and teenage years, you know? We all it isn't like the movies, but I never even got a chance to try. You made me scream so quietly that when I couldn't shush you anymore it became like thunderclap, deafening anyone close. I  pushed people so far away that they became islands to me, and I couldn't swim. That, or I wanted them to love me so badly that I squeezed them into oblivion and suffocated them with my demons.

2.) I hate that I felt unloved because of you. I could have been loved, you know? It wasn't like I was a *****. There were boys that wanted me, even ones I wanted too. But you made me this tumultuous fire that too many lovers saw only as a sultry, exciting spark until it completely engulfed them, burning them to a crisp. I spent my young love years unloved and assuming any flaw was a cause for expulsion, and any affection was a sign of destiny. They both were neither.

3.) I hate that you made me feel lonely. You kept me in a tower, and fed me just enough so I wouldn't die. You gave me this grand craft that, previously, I could barely use except to stare at blank computer screens and wished my fingers could pour out the things in my head. You gave me this gift that kept me breathing, but also kept me lonely. If I didn't know how to write so well to myself, maybe I would have screamed enough for somebody to listen.

4.) I hate that you stole my intelligence. I might be brilliant. I couldn't even think about that, was convinced it was a fluke that I was so smart when I was little. But now that you've sorted out yourself, I can feel it re-emerging and I feel so sick knowing how much better I could have been; what I could've done. The years wasted, only able to use that brilliance to keep myself from cutting my own cord.

5.) I hate that you make me a lot to handle. You make me bubble with thoughts and words and sometimes, a lot of times, it overwhelms people. I'm a tornado, a twister, in constant, energetic motion. Not many people can keep up with me, and it makes me lonely. You made me lonely because no one wanted to stay; that or they couldn't. Its hard when a new person all the time.

6.) I hate that you made me so strong. I've been on the brink of death, destruction, ruin, pain, and yet I've always come back. For the severity of the things in my head that storm themselves around, I'm an anomaly. I spend half of an intake therapy session having to go into gory details of my inner workings, because without a record its not as easy for them to see me. Yet I never fall, no matter how much sometimes I wish I would. Guess, just like you, its in my synapses.

7.) I hate that you've alienated me from my family. They are nothing like me, and they don't understand me. Very few of them try, even less sympathize. Many call it a phase. Like my entire existence the past couple years is just a new level of the teenage rebellion I never had. I now know what kind of people they are, what kind of people they are capable of being. Their jokes and energy aren't worth the words they inflict behind closed doors. No family should question me on everything. No family should call my life a phase. No family should think the person I love most isn't worth it because they haven't met him.  No family should ask me to hide who I am because its better that way. I don't regret walking away. I regret having to.

8.) I hate that you make my relationship harder. I feel things too hard, and I know that's my issue. But it being such a core part of my system makes it hard for me to integrate files. We're learning, and growing, like we always do. I can't help but smile at how he motions just like I do. He's the only one I've ever met who keeps up with me. Everyone else I've always left behind, one way or another. Though hard, you do make my relationship stronger.

9.) I hate that I love parts of you, because they're my best parts. I'm already smart, but you make creativity a shade of bold that I can't even comprehend. Its hard to share with my peers when they stare at me like I'm an odd anomaly. You make me an anomaly, but as a writer, a creator, an artist, its remarkable. I can write about people like no one else I know can. I can write about emotional experiences I've never felt, but you've helped me see. If I can feel a glimmer, of that emotion, I can understand depths I've never felt. You've made teachers think I was abused, beaten, and much more, even when I wasn't. But I could feel it. My devotion to my art makes that pain a worth and I hate that.

10.) What I hate the most, though, is that I don't hate you. You have made me who I am. I wouldn't quit you, even if I had the choice. You make everything harder, and you make me scream, and you make me work. But you also help me be brilliant, and help me be understanding, and help me shine. You help me love and grow and breathe, even when you're crushing my lungs. Its maddening and barely makes sense, but I know that much. I know that no matter how angry, upset, shameful, any negative emotion, that behind it, that's not my strongest feeling towards you. My strongest is that you are one of my favorite things about me. I hate that people can call me crazy because of you, but I accept it because I'm my happiest crazy. I'm my happiest with you.

How can I  stop
Why does it have to be you
I feel like I did something wrong
Please show me a sign you're listening
Only if I was strong enough
I cried because you not here anymore
I still pretend you here