isn’t that I trust people too easily
there’s nothing wrong with trusting people
I just start expecting too much in return
like trust
++++++++++++++++++
I think my problem
is that I just desire
reciprocation
++++++++++++++++++
I don’t know if I’m able to give less
and still feel happy
but if I’m always giving and giving and giving
I feel like I deserve to receive
or at the very least
like I don’t deserve to give

sometimes,
i just don't know
how to get
other people
to listen to me
in return.

i give them
all my time,
all my love,
all my attention,
yet it just
feels like
i don't get
reciprocated
the same way
enough.

i need
a listening ear
and a shoulder
to cry on, too,
you know?

please
help me.

one day someone will love you

he will remove your shirt
his hands will move over your skin
soft, fragile fingertips, safe, warm touch
you will sigh and he will enjoy the sound and sight of you
unfurling before him

my mistakes that clog my skin
my anger a bitter, pulsing monster
my love a ****** ****,
but shouldn't it be me to rip the buttons of your shirt
let it fly to the floor
breathe in your skin
admire the view of your eyes closing as i
trailed red kisses over you

shouldn’t it be me who knew you better than he could?
and yes, i am not your typical lover
but i cannot imagine you’d want him
to be intimate with someone who could barely love you,
a tepid version of the love i would make you feel,
i’d let smiles overwhelm our intimacy,
but it will be him, not me, touching your skin like it's golden
you’ll never know that my love is heaven and skies,
and his is merely a shiny fracture of the sunlight i could give you

yet despite my desperate tries of declaring this all
you turn your head away from the sun, me, too bright
and crawl to your comfort, when you could stride to my sunlight
you will shiver in the shadows of his love
instead of basking in the heat of mine

Cortez, theyre just running through my mind
Like track and field junior year
You want to cyph before class, but i don’t think that’s for the best
Look in your ****** eyes, but you had to change into sweats
I remember that afternoon, it’s in my mind all the time
You gave me your hoodie and went home like routine
Snuck out the back door and forgot to take me

White Cortez, but they’re ***** on the sides
Dirt on your pants, but never did you mind
You’re so versatile,
how you build up your walls and know when to break them down ?
At 16, i never would’ve  guessed youd actually ditch town
A city on lights, like do you know what you’re leaving?
Persuasion and ideas, you know I’m still here waiting
Connection is rare, and with you, it was waning

Black Cortez, cleaned it up on the sides
Fade into dark Caesar, never did i mind
You smelled like axe and gelato, you probably taste so sweet
In my head, there’s a sword fight where two ends never meet
I hope you’re passing your tests, or training your chest
I still have your hoodie and i wear it here and there
I washed it so many times, but i didn’t think you’d care

SEP, where they prayed for me,
I remember you spoke to me about your goals
You told me you wanted to have a relationship with God
I told you i wanted love, i was a fraud
Spending every day of the year, you were mine
you were a physical manifestation of everything that was bound to be
A physical manifestation of everything attracted to she

Classic Cortez, lit up and you ran into class
Never expected you to fall so fast
You could roam the earth and be who you are
I just don’t want you to ever run too far