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Saanvi 1d
Your hands have been crafted
by a rare and delicate melody.
One that sweeps me completely and raptures my affection,
Such charming beauty you possess my love.
I bring my disgraceful lips
to your merciless fingers,
that left imprints on my neck earlier.
Your demeanor is that of a white swan
sparkling in an illusory lake.
As I step inside deep water to try
to reach your magnificent being.
It's not the flames of indifference that burn my soul,
rather your casual wit and coy smiles.
Pretentious laughter as if you actually care.
The lake is now suffocating my lungs.
The cool waves strike my weeping skin,
so opposite to your firing touch.
This is what you wanted from the very beginning my love.
Now, don't bestow me your unreachable pity.
In my dying moments, even your shadow did not grace me with its presence.
Now that I am completely lost in your maze,
I want to ask you in this haze.
Are you now joyous my love?
Are you now satisfied?
Are you celebrating the fortune of my perish?
You don't have any blood on your hands,
I have killed myself over this love.
You are still the white swan, mesmerizing all with your innocence.
And I am here at the bottom of the lake,
Drowning in helpless awareness, unaware of the extent of your cruelty.
The warm blue hues silently shut my eyes,
gifting me more peace than you ever could.
The real misfortune is that even in my last breath, I could only take your name.
I have only ever known your love.
I have only ever known your cruelty.
I don't mind the loneliness.
I don't mind the helplessness.
I just craved belongingness.
I just wish that the white swan herself would have drained me of life by kissing my lips.
When the light of life was finally replaced by miserable darkness, all I could do was reach out to hold your hand.
Your hands have been crafted by a rare and delicate melody....
At the door comes a knock or a beating
That demands an uncomfortable greeting
So you hide from the guest
And deny the request
For this most unavoidable meeting
Bee Nov 9
when i wake
i battle with thoughts that
cloud my eyes
dewy from tears
i am utterly and totally
drenched in sadness

when i rise
i do what i can to
make a cup of coffee
let the dogs out
brush my teeth
and go to work

(clockwork)

life cycles through waves
of feeling this way and that
never quite being able to grasp
on to a specific emotion
to describe how i am feeling
like how i can wake this way
and lay my head down to sleep
feeling something close to hopeful
ready to rise again
and the thoughts no longer exist in the morning

i find myself very odd
but people don't get to hear
this side of me
mostly because they don't ask
but i don't mind

(clockwork)

i have seen terrible days
i have seen days filled with miracles
i have seen days that are bleaker than bland
but i would prefer to have the days of
feeling something than nothing at all
so i push forward
take my medication
go to my therapist
and go to church

sometimes i wonder if God knows
the inner workings of my thoughts
as well as the Devil
a baptism could never submerge
my thoughts
yet i sing on praising Him

what i do know
is whether i am up
or i am down
i am here

(clockwork)
There’s an ancient myth of immortality that inhabits the minds of tyrants and farmers alike. For the ultimate power – for the ability to avoid their ending. A river that never erodes its bank; a flame that never burns away its wick.
For the twisted, the demented, there’s something more. Mere elevation of life holds no appeal, but the fictional, the bread and circuses of the modern world – that, is something worthy of eternal continuation. The last word should never come, there must always be a new chapter, another episode, one more level.
Because there’s something primal in these fictions, these stories. From the first flames of bonfires, humanity has shared tales, the characters becoming legendary, and the audience holds them in their hearts for the rest of their lives.
We learn to love these fakes, in our own sick way. We learn what they desire, what they fear, what they love and what they hate. We learn about their background, their hopes, their struggles. And through it all, we empathize with them. We cheer for their success and feel remorse at their failure. They’re a one-way friend, one that speaks to you, but that you can never speak back to – but there’s no need to talk back. You just need to be with them, even from a distance. That’s enough.
And then, when the story ends? It elicits a pang in our hearts. It’s as if the characters we’ve loved have died, buried in their Happily Ever After. Our distorted minds, so illogical, take this metaphorical death with a weight. We grieve, perhaps not with the fervor of one who has truly lost a loved one, but we grieve, nonetheless. We are left then with an emptiness, a chasm that can never be filled in exactly the same way; a hole that gnaws at our very core for days, weeks, months – even years.
But why? These people are fake, they were contrived. These worlds are mere imagination, none of it is real. Why can we not, us ****** few, simply throw it away like a used consumable? Why the grief? This lingering pit in our stomachs, this hole in our hearts?
Why?
Why?
Why must it end at all? Why can’t we, hand on book and eyes on screen, make happy evermore? Why can’t we stay wrapped up in our little fantasies, surrounded by our paper friends, swept up in the dream? Why can’t blinking pixels become the north star to our joy; why can’t the credits, our lullaby? Does it really have to end?

Of course, it does. It always does. The book will have its final chapter; a movie, its final scene; a game, its final interaction. And left in its place will be the ending. The ending that it was all leading up to. The entire point of the story in the first place.
And us twisted, demented, distorted, sick, ****** few, will hate it. We’ll cover our eyes and ears like a petulant child. We’ll reject the ending, taking up pen and keyboard to make our own path, to extend the escape. Forsaking the creator, we know we can do better. We can, somehow, keep the flame lit, keep the wicker solid, keep the wax formed.
And in doing so, we can live forever, in a dream of our own design. We know it’s illogical: we’ll be stuck in the past, and everyone else will be marching towards the future. But the pain of this loss, however illogical, denies us any other recourse. All we want, all we need, is to float in an endless narrative, accompanied by the ones who were never real to begin with. To bask in their wonderful perfection, to find the comfort and companionship we know they can provide. We’ll never have to be alone again; nobody will have to die.
We’ll be deluded,

but we’ll be happy.
And for us, maybe that isn’t so bad.
This is a pretty long poem, but I like the way it turned out, so I'm not going to remove lines or anything.
We are all bewildered dancers
Lost in an incomprehensible ballet—
Woven tightly through a rich tapestry,
Drawn from contrasting colors,
Yet forming a boundless whole,
Waltzing hand in hand—
In love and hate, joy and suffering,
Dark and light, death and life.

The universe—a radiant church window,
Fracturing light into polychromatic unity,
Drifting shards of stained glass,
Piercing through the drama of duality,
Rippling into a sea of endless complexity,
Wedged between the boundaries
of stars and the space that forms them,
A perfection found in imperfection,
Beneath this sea of contrast lies truth:
How could we be anything at all
Without two sides to make us whole?

Before the technicolor skies formation,
We were the loneliest deity,
Infinity alone in a room made of itself,
Where everything was everywhere,
And time unfolded all at once.
So we crafted ourselves a dream—
From the core of our mirrored soul,
A place where I am you and you are me,
So we may live and perish in grace.

So we may play a game with ourselves,
Performing on this boundless stage,
An intricate puzzle piece,
Fitting together in a dance of chaos,
Meticulously designed to deceive ourselves,
So we may treasure life in the face of death.
Navigators of the in-between,
Wandering the maze of nothingness.

If infinity could dream,
Its deepest longing would be
To grasp something real—
To feel the grass beneath its feet,
As it runs across the hills of our earth,
Savoring the fleeting bliss of it all.

The present is so precious,
It hints at a reason we call it so—
A split second glimpse of meaning
In the eternal dance of existence.
Humans tread this lonely universe,
as an ever-dispersing body,
but our I’s never meet.

Behind the velvet curtains of our minds,
within the iris of our eyes,
rests an endless expanse of stars,
refracting off a crystalline hall of mirrors—
a boundless,
eternal reflection,
devoid of every word.

Whispering so softly in us,
behind all thought, all form,
revealing everything,
yet ultimately nothing—
nothing at all.
Asmita Ray Aug 27
Jaws of angst graze my neck
With a blessing of deep regret.

In a world where,
Only dust is left--
I breakdown in a heap of envy
As I continue to,
Lose my mind in a frenzy
Jill Aug 22
Dear Carl,

Can I call you Carl?
Our unconscious is collective and a lake of shared experience.
Is the internet an instance of your theories?
I have some queries.

Are these the facts Carl?
Our reflections are collected in a cloud of pooled intelligence.
Is the aggregate a marker of our species?
I have some theses.

Are these our thoughts Carl?
Our enquiries through our browsers hint a dull and cloudy somnolence.
Is the synthesis the same by demographic?
Is this just traffic?

Is this our worth Carl?
Our reprovals and our sledging smacks of asinine belligerence.
Can we speculate more broadly from this sample?
Trolls, for example…

We all have separate phenotypes,
made up of common archetypes,
that form a unique prototype,
for human contribution.

The flavour of each megabyte,
requires an active acolyte,
that gives objective oversight,
to tally the solution.

But what about the eloquence,
beneficence, benevolence,
the sympathetic sentience,
within this cyber-netting?

And what of interinfluence,
of conscious counterviolence,
considered, caring, congruence,
of giving more than getting?

Are you happy Carl?
Your proposals once ethereal now digitally real
—the collection of our thoughts a cyber-consciousness reveal.
Sure, we focus on crash diets, haircuts, shoes, and plastic surgery.
We are more than just a vessel for the latest celeb pregnancy.

These excuses for connection are a cybernetic basis,
for the comfort and affection found across our networked spaces.
While the electronic camera snaps the shadow and insanity,
it also frames our kindness in the brilliance of humanity.

I think it’s fine, Carl.

Sincerely,
Jill
©2024
Jill Aug 13
Hey, have you seen it?
I can’t find it anywhere
I thought I left it with my triumphs
I couldn’t find those either

It might be wedged between my trophies
I hate it when that happens

Or maybe it’s mixed up in my love letters
Or my performance reviews
Or my pay slips

Is it in my CV?

Ah, there it is!  How silly of me

It’s nestled in the neat pile of ballpoint pens, with lids, that write smoothly, first time
It’s in the cutlery drawer with a full complement of teaspoons and forks
It’s among the neatly paired socks, fresh from the line, no sock missing its partner
It’s among the dozen, perfectly iced cupcakes that were just the right size for their box
It’s on the dropped toast that landed honey-side up

And all the other impossible ordinary objects
©2024
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