i'm writing this on my phone since i can't seem to get up today, i'm still in bed

i'm sure you're sick of hearing it, so sick of me, and you just want to move on

i guess i can't blame you now, even if it's killing me, i can't stop thinking

your friendship meant a lot to me, enough that its absence is deadly

i'm not the person i was when we were friends, or even before lich

i don't know who i am now. i'm not who i want to be though

these months have broken me and when i thought we were cool, well...

we weren't, apparently. was that your idea or...

was that hers? i can't tell where you end and she starts

if you want to help, abandonment's not help

if you care about me, don't leave me here

if you're not her, don't make fun of me

these aren't demands, it's me begging

begging for your forgiveness

begging for your mercy

i don't... i don't know...

what to do too

i just know

i miss

you

Heaven. You wanna go there don't you?
Enjoy. All the good moments
Love. Your friends and family
Peace. Wish it was everywhere

What ifs and some buts
Anxiety in my mind
Are you fooling me?

i stand here
screaming for your attention
i could climb mount everest
and still it won't be enough

how come they are?
they get kissed and hugged and praised
all i get is a bowl of disappointment
at which i stare with my dumb eyes

i tell myself i don't care
but i'm racing on the inside
looking for a way to break through
notice me, i'm begging you

all i need is a nod of approval
your absence drives me mad
i'll even settle for half a smile
after all, you are my dad.

I'm not a monster
But I can be trouble
So I don't need people
To come and burst my bubble
But who wants to be alone
You monsters love playing games
Can you not wait till I am gone
To start giving me cruel names
From family to "friends" till we start over again
Why does it want me to suffer so
All I wanted to do was try to blend in
But here I am left empty in a one-man show
Often I'm writing, and I'd rather not be
Constantly wondering if this is meant to be reality
Begging for someone something to change this ending
I'd hate for the only love I get to be when someone is sending.
But I can't say that I don't get love and life
It's just I'm not fond of the distant love that's out of sight
So, be blunt and listen to my hone cry for you to come home
Cause I don't want to be here in this darkness all on my own.

You said goodbye                                                          ­        
But why                                                              ­                    
I'm not the smartest person
But I'm also not stupid
Do you need help?
Please
Talk to me
Don't hide yourself
Please don't
Stay strong
Fight if you have to
Fight the illnes
Fight the bullies
Fight your thoughts
Your thoughts aren't you
You make yourself you
Why are you doing this?
Please answer
Stop this hell please
No one likes this

Don’t leave me
Here alone
With myself
I’m abusive
I’m dangerous
I’m ill
When I’m alone
It all rushes in
I don’t know what’s happening
It fills me with darkness
And lies
And I want to be alone
To wallow in it
Because it won’t be ignored
But I have to when you’re here
I stuff it down deep
And it begs to be released
It screams for recognition
I don’t want to let it out
But I don’t want to hide it
I don’t know what to do
It makes me so confused
I can’t think straight
I don’t know if I ever have
Or if I ever will