She could talk endlessly about
the way her gut the way her whole abdomen
pulses for just a few days each month
agonisingly cruelly internally she bleeds
she bleeds she bleeds she bleeds

She’ll write an article about a girl she knew
who stuffed toilet paper from the college bathroom
into her underwear because and she’ll quote
“it’s better than nothing” she eats one meal a day
at home and that is it

She’ll do a speech about how the
contraceptive pill can do psychological damage
she’ll mention the time her best friend
asked if Cilest is meant to make you
want to **** yourself
“At least her boyfriend is happy” she’ll say and
the audience will laugh as if it is a joke.

She’ll ask her manager if she can go
home because her *** is giving her
blurred vision and she is struggling to stand and
he’ll ask why this month is any
different to the others

She’ll ask you if you think it’s
fair that shedding lining costs money that
contraception costs sanity that pain is
only valid if you’re dying and
you’ll tell her to stop being gross and
she’ll say Only when you start listening.

In monsoon period
the gray clouds release a lot
flooding the riverbeds.

So you say PINK is the color of BLUE
Blue meaning me and You
Blood and tears sweat sadness from fears
I am full
Yet we are empty
Maybe it's just me

I'm a pink period monster
Who death had begun her

Death of Innocence
'Death of Silence
Death of Normalcy

Because between you and me
We can be free
PINK, red
Ice BLUE to undead

bara tubuhku
satu nafas, tikaman di perut
tapi bukan dari luar
bukan dari luar

cairan menjelma jadi belati
satu tegukan ramuan rempah sakti
rimpang agung warisan bumi pertiwi
jemari kuning si mbok hadir membukti
hangat jamu kuning pekat nan wangi
meresap, dinding terkikis
rasanya jantung diri digenggam keji

kini terlepas dari ragaku
sebegini ampuhnya
hingga ia menyerah luruh
sewaktu-waktu berdalih biasa saja
itu hanya gumpalan darah biasa
tidak ada yamg mengambil jiwa secara paksa
maklumkanlah
tubuhnya saja belum terbentuk sempurna
itu hanya gumpalan darah biasa

Everything you own is covered in blood.
     They arrive on moments composed of crumpled paper, tired and degraded by the heat and pressure of God's palm, left in Her pocket too long. ******* and apathetic inaction meet in the center of the sheet where your pelvis, your s e x rests while you sleep and lie and lie and sleep and sleep and lie. A Rorschach blot card where you see the death of dignity. Mother, Roommate, and Tinder Dates that you never bring home see everything that they had hoped you weren't.

     Cochina. Pig, ******* pig.

     And I can't read that last verse out loud. That tells you everything you need to know.

Everything you own is covered in blood.
     You bleed when you don't feel enough, or when what you feel isn't what you ought to feel--silly ******* scholarship with the brains and the championed cheek bones (if you just lost the weight, she says to herself sometimes, and her friends don't agree, but there is a deafening lack of disagreement that takes the room).

     Bold girl who never made suicide jokes because she was so so so good at this game called self love until she wasn't. Until she ran out of bad ***** juice. Until she felt the weight of it, the world.

     And so you choose to feel the bite of an exacto knife.

Reliable, that.
Pleasurable, that.
Guilty, guilty pleasure.
Shameful pleasure.

     We were supposed to be grown up, glowed up. Above this.

                                                  **** this.

     When did it become so hard to love yourself?

i brought my flowers
into the market square,
but when they all met the frost
they withered and turned bare.

i ran out of bread—
snow blocking my path home,
so i sold the last flower i had
and to god i must atone.