==================================================
last night I dreamed of you
...
well not really dreamed, but I
thought of you
...
i couldn't sleep
...
my brain wouldn't
allow me to not think of
how this all
could have been
different
...
if you didn't
catch my eye
in the
winter
...
as i performed
for a whole audience,
but the smile
on your face
...
i was performing
for you
as you watched
me
not so graciously
flail about
...
you were happy
then
we could have left it
there
...
this could have been
different
if we didn't
meet
in the
spring
...
if you didn't
hold onto me
watching the others
perform
...
this could have
been
much
different
if it wasn't all
based on
performance
...
on acting
...
on false smiles
...
we were playing
pretend
...
weren't we?
==================================================

.
Feint is the Muse,
that looks upon me,
challenging my existence
with deep baleful interest.
Its struggles hard
to contain its indifference
at the mere mortality
that I conduct.
And conduct I do.
As melody takes
centre stage
in a flight of fancy,
constrained by rhythm
temperate, steady,
and insistent.
The cadenced beat
of skins keeping time
to a fanfare of sound.
But my voice is silent,
conspicuous by its absence,
in mute violation
of speechless freedom.
The words won't come,
no song message birthed
for altruism
nor benefit of composition.
The flight of fancy stalls
and gently rocks in a cradle
of anticipation.
Rhythm drops to a meagre
pelvic twitch,
insistence foregone and forgotten
in a cynical parody
of the vocal deficiency.
Velvet drapes lick
the wooden floor stage,
and the performance
has just begun.



© Pagan Paul (14/11/18)

Words are inadequate.
They break within the sight of doubt.
To get through to you must I shout?
No.
Words aren't enough.
I'll speak through the devotion of emotion,
through the fixture of a picture,
pay attention to my sentence,
focus on its capture.
Through a painting, I'd show you a rapture,
but do not ignore its texture,
it could hide a rupture.

I won't speak to you with words,
I will put on a performance,
to be seen and understood,
to see and understand.

To speak to you, I'll drag you into my world.
To listen, will you hold my hand?