Soft padded sheets with a chalk-white fade
Contours from repeated pressure illustrating a familiar shape

Indented rivets in the overused cushion where you tried to hide
Red-turned-brown spots dried, markers of where you failed to keep it inside
Timid stains of salty moisture once fallen from your eyes
Now just a faded gravestone to the bliss simplicity brought before your fight died

Deaf ears and the pleas that pass through their shallow halls
But the sound changes octaves as it bounces off the thin beige walls
And so it echoes unheard as it falls
One too many close calls to accept the sound that emulates from it all

Trembling bones under heavy skin clutching the bed-frame with an iron grip
Second only to the pressure your upper teeth have on your lower lip

Revolving doors unhinged, flooding your thoughts as they race
Tired eyes stay bolted open, not recognizing the shape of your own face
in the jagged glass that now lays fractured and stained from the image you tried to replace
But it still didn't go away
“This is it,” you say

Cavernous holes,
Once whole,
Now just hollow shells you used to call home
Empty of all heart and all hope

And you brace for the hit, the moment where it finally all goes black
And the silence will finally answer back,
telling you you've ****** it up, it's all rotted through, you didn't fight hard enough and now you're done

And every single time you're still surprised when that moment never comes
And despite the tremors and daggers, your stubborn heart carries on

So find the narrow sliver of air where reality and your mind meet
And take in all the oxygen like it isn’t always free
There isn’t much too it,
You just put your head down and breathe

Because if there’s only one thing of which you can be sure
It's that these souls were designed to endure

And "this too shall pass" will become true once more

Let your heart and its resting pace made amends
Once the shaking stops you can finally stand
And wear that smile until courage finds you again

Somewhere inside you always knew this isn’t how it ends.

I hate the fear
I hate the way it boils in my belly
Climbs up my throat
Tries to make me scream
I hate that way my heart trembles
Hate the way it shakes in my chest
I hate this feeling
called fear.

****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****.
Oh, ****.
I'm ******.
Everything's gone to ****
I can't even think straight.
Why now?
I have mid-terms tomorrow
And I can't even think straight
I am alone, so alone
It's all ****** now
And I am so, so alone

Im not that sad lost girl anymore
Ive put her away
But she still talks to me
She tells me her fears her worries
She reminds me of her past
Some nights I hold her while she cries
Im there for her when she needs me
I need someone there for me when she comes to visit
When she's here I forget how far I've came
When she visits I become her again
I relive my pain from the past
I can't turn her away because she is me and she needs me
She doesn't want me to forget her to let her go

at last she lays  still
how frigid and stiff she may be
I can never find a way to touch her
I still cannot escape the curves
You fill me  in  the middle of
a lonesome afternoon
From the shadows
rising to find my wounds
Against the rough embrace of heaven
flows my  nightmares
How my fighting spirit will endure them all!
This is a time when
All I love  wants to devour me.

I can't stop moving
I'm restless but weak
I can't stop

I can't feel my legs
Or my fingers
I can't breathe

I can't see straight
My head is whirling
My stomach is empty

But I can't eat
I can't move
And I cant stop moving

I'm screaming
But also I can't speak
I'm gasping

Because again; I can't breathe
And I can't think
And I can't function
And I can't be good

And also I can't
Live
This way
I can't

Live

Breathe in, out, in, out, in
Her lips formed the words as she scrunched up her nose, her eyes shutting tightly.
Hands shot out and gripped onto the bag of the person leading her,
"Don't leave me" she whispered so they couldn't hear
So they couldn't notice the tears.
Besides if they did then
then they'd feel obligated to help.
Teeth bit down ******* her bottom lip, blood seeping slowly into her already crazed senses.
Now I've hurt myself too. ****. **** **** fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
Repetition wasn't an option, it was the only way to think when in a crowd. It was the only way thoughts stuck in her head.
Her knuckles were turning white as she gripped on harder with every passing body that bumped into her. Getting lost was not an option. Someone would try to help her and just see that she was a freak.
Freak freak freak freakfreakfreakfreakfreak.
Don't let them see. She couldn't let them see the short, hasty breaths or the wild, big eyed looks of panic. She couldn't let them see the speck of blood on her lip or white, sweaty knuckles.
It had to be over soon though right? Her right eye peaked at the scene around her, and the people were thinning out. Slowly she released her grip on the bag, shaking fingers being shoved into her pockets which only felt like they were now vibrating her entire self. She returned her eye to the ground as she tried to force out slower, uneven breathing. Her friend looked back at her with a sympathetic smile.
Her cheeks turned bright red, they did notice. Did they mind? It didn't seem like it. But who knows. All she knew was she only had limited time to prepare herself for the next round in the crowds.

Hyperventilation
Depleting frustration
Suffocation
A painful sensation
Desperation
Without moderation
Devastation
Eternal damnation
Deprivation
Emotional mutilation
Derealization
Fear escalation
Depersonalization
Self extermination