What if
they are
trying too

My lover
It's now or never
If you are a cheater

So, I ask myself
The trees cast lonely shadows
The fish stay in the seas only

So, why should I stay
If you keep leaving
Thinking next time is forever

Do you know
What happens
When two stars
Collide?
They either
Turn into
A gargantuan
Mother star
Or a black hole
******* the life and light
Out of all that dares
To exist.

Do you know
What happens
When two people collide?
They either
Turn into a wonderful
Sun that gives life
To all that dares
To exist
Or it flushes
Away the light
Of both people
And reduces both
To heartbreak.

What a quaint turn of phrase
To describe my malaise
tis an accurate way to frame it.

To excrete or not see
Not a fun way to be
And no one upon which to blame it.

Is life often this way?
Nothing good either way?
Just a sad choice of what’s bad or worse?

Is this all we’ve got?
The noose or a shot?
And is this life naught but a curse?

I’d like to believe
We weren’t meant to just grieve
That a future with joy lies ahead?

Not just **** and blindness
But some hope and kindness
Something nice before I notice I’m dead!

Perhaps my reward
Is meant to be scored
Just after my untimely demise?

In which case I must say
I’ll begin right away
My quite excellent will to revise.

I got a new sweater today
Men's section
Of a cheap department store
It's too big on me
Fits like drapery
Concealing my form
That's the only thing I want to do anymore

I don't fit in clothes
Like I don't fit with girls
Too big, too bustless
Their sweaters hug my body
In all the wrong places

But I'm too small for boys
Too young
Too restless
With messy girly hair
And a slim doe's neck
I am not enough for them
I cannot fill their shoes

So I bury myself
In a baggy sweater
Drowning myself
In insecurities
Hoping no one will look closer
Find out what's beneath these clothes
Beneath this skin
Beneath "me"

tonight the moon looks particularly big
I look up and smile
it feels so close but yet is so far away
I stand on my tiptoes and reach for the sky,
knowing full well that
I will never be able to reach it

to reach the moon
I will have to take great lengths
to reach there
I will have to change myself.
prepare myself for the trip up there
but it is so close

why can’t I just reach it?
why can’t it just come down here?

oh, how foolish of me to think that
something so beautiful
would ever come down here
especially for me

maybe I am not speaking of the moon
maybe I am speaking of you

but both things are so far away
I will never reach either of you

sure I get excited
about
love,
***,
and
violence.

sure there's a hell

but what's your feel about feeling
not so
good
about
your insides?

lonely,
LONELY
an      
only 

a drop in the bucket maybe
and who gives a **** anyway
you say
it's just intonation.

I will rise
I will fall
I would in fact
follow you.

(and just for context - the feeling of minor keys played on a outdated 70's moog, well, that sound would take anyone down).

we don't care
if you are a
moll
just come back!

because
I am still
in love
with
you.

I'm tired
Of fake rainbows and fools gold
Of the best of intentions with little to no action
Of giant smiles through biting teeth

I'm tired
Of caring too much and not caring enough
Of either feeling helpless or hopeless
Of running myself in circles while not doing a thing

I'm tired
Of all the warning signs being there but no one seeing a need to warn
Of innocence lost and hope forgotten
Of lotteries with no winners, just losers

I'm tired
Of those with blame being held blameless
Of all the finger pointing but never introspective
Of an endless need to consider everyone's feelings while simultaneously no one cares

I'm tired
Of dishonesty from those in positions of power
Of distrustful actions from those we're expected to trust
Of money buying impunity

I'm tired
Of being too lazy to have patience
Of being part of the problem and not part of the solution
Of trying to deal with my paranoia when someone's clearly out to get me

I'm tired
Of endless waves of pity but never an open heart
Of technology connecting us yet making us less connected
Of the traditional definition of 'face-to-face time' replaced with things like Facebook or FaceTime

I'm tired
Of togetherness only after we've been divided
Of lives of youths spent by a misspent youth
Of tragedy happening without warning with clear warning signs

I'm tired

Of no one being able to agree and that's the only thing agreed upon

It's not too crowded
Yet far too late in the day
For everyone to
React this way
It's not a sadness
It's a melancholy gladness

All this busy body bustle

STOP
   CLOSE lids
      And  just LISTEN

Don't Fret
Twist,
Wriggle,
Or shake
It's all you can take

You are not numb
Over blown or undone
You are One of Billions
In this crowd