I took two totems
and held them to
myself
one in my right pocket
and one in my left
for clenching
tight in reminder
while walking about
of what's really
important
​

a brass bull
keychain strung
to the keys
that opened my home
and made it mine
​
​
for prosperity
and material health
and weighing down
to the ground
​
​
and a little hunk
of lapis lazuli
speckled through
with golden
glitters
​

for keeping
bright blue and
buoyant
my spirit


the bull broke off
its chain and
left a dangling void
a superfluous
jangle
wiggling on old
keys turned in
to an old landlord


the stone
slipped out of my
jacket pocket
in a cab to the
airport to a plane
to the other side
of the world
​

now of my totems
but a short refrain
and a
memory's glitter
remain
​



© 2017 Adelaide Heathfield

People tell me
I should be

sad

Because
Life is hard

How

Can
I
Be

sad

When
Watching a
Pug

Carrying a stuffed
Hedgehog half
Her
Size

Up two flights of
Stairs

On her way to bed

Or being greeted by furry smiles
And optimistic tails
Every morning

Regardless of wind or rain
Heat or cold
Aching joints or creaking
Bones

I hope if I’m deserving

I come back with doggy optimism

The whimsy of a Pug
The strength of a Mastiff
The endurance of a Husky
The smarts of a Border Collie

Because then
I will be
Truly
Fortunate

tired. It feels like I'm one
step behind my own body. A fraction
of my potential at all times; none
of my muses remain, just distractions.

angry. All the time I spend
thinking about who I am, who
I'm not, what I do, to what end
are the goals I set mine to pursue?

disappointed. I was great
in the past, and suppose I still am
by metrics other people create,
but compared to me? I'm just a sham.

weak. Paradoxically, given
my stature. Erase that, and I'm nothing
more than a life. Hardly living,
with or without living for something.

But truly, above all else? I'm so
honored to be the star of the show.

We are worlds.
Self sustaining, full of energy.
Or,
As bare as a skull.
No thoughts, no flesh.
A husk of what was, and could have been.

But when two worlds connect in some way,
Deeply, without hesitation,
That’s when they transcend this universe.
Into somewhere themselves will only know.

It is up to us to make the most of this special gift we have.
The universe will do the rest.

Got high on drugs
Drunk on the bub
Depression was a test
A man left for dead
I didn't think I would
Get back up again

Take a look
I am still here
I am still living
With all, I've been through
You bet it was a mission
But I've cleaned up
straightened out my life
Never could have made it
Without you in my life

Was left in debt
A bankrupt man
People saying he's crazy
How could he make it
Back to his feet again
the road was long
and the climb was steep
I was determined
To make it to my feet

Take a look
I am still here
I am still living
With all, I've been through
You bet it was a mission
But I've cleaned up
straightened out my life
Never could have made it
Without you in my life

Girls gave me hell
Never good enough for them
They wanted everything
but me in the end
Thank god I didn't marry
Thank god I didn't stray
But I lost my stride
the fall had broken my pride

Take a look
I am still here
I am still living
With all, I've been through
You bet it was a mission
But I've cleaned up
straightened out my life
Never could have made it
Without you in my life

I am still here
And I am still living
The scars dig deep
But I'm still breathing
I am still here
And I am still living

©2018 Written By Benji James

I have made a job for myself
Which is to make everyone else happy.
That's how everyone knows me.
The happy, optimistic girl who will fill your head with happy thoughts.
It is a role that is easy to fit into and that I am capable of doing.
But as I try to make more people happy, I get more and more sad.
More and more
tired.
I am running out of happiness for everyone, and I am fearful of what
will happen
When the girl who was always happy
Doesn't have enough happiness
To hide that she is sad.

Changes are bound to happen
changes are all we see
changes turn a caged tiger
into a refugee running free
Changes are what happen
to your hair roots as they turn grey
Changes are what happen to our same sky everyday
Changes turn strangers into beloved friends
Sometimes changes make loved ones disappear
I've learned, however,

that changes happen when something good is near

Grasping for the air in my gasp,
Uneverlasting, all good things come to an end
Water too deep, I cannot reach
I must be glad, for I won't last.

Clinging to the air in my lungs,
With last breath singing, life or death do not belong
Much oxygen, won't come within,
I'm somewhat mad, won't let me last.

Chasing the things unreachable
I'm never changing, yet rearrangeable,
Barrier so thick, can't feel your hits,
I'm good you're sad, won't see me last.

Falling, hoping that it's to soar
Cranium hawling, I don't like, but get more
Air rush through crease, my wings released
Falling to death, can't **** me, yet.