Free love is hard
But I wouldn't be here
If I didn't love you

One day I woke up,
I realized that it was yesterday,
and that yesterday was no way to live tomorrow,
And if I did not change today,
My yesterdays awakening would have only been in sorrow..
For many yesterdays ago I took advice I should have never even borrowed ,
By those who chose to live today as though, they may never see tomorrow

I am constantly checking myself
When problematic thoughts enter my mind
Or negative feelings originate in
The messed up ways I've been socialized to think

I do not wish to own anyone or anything
Yet sometimes possessive thoughts plague me
I must remind myself that we are all only humans
Trying to find our best route to happiness

This one article stated that
The hardest part of polyam relationships
Lies in the negotiation between
Your and your partners' needs

So I must always remain on guard
Because the jealousy and sadness coming from within
Was bred by the broken systems we grew up in
And redefining those is a part of my resistance

Monogamy stems from the patriarchy
And sexism lies within that
Possessiveness and jealousy are not cute
They only lead to blaming others for your own inconsistencies

And I am a mess of inconsistencies

Why does this hurt so badly?
My emotions are circulating like a tornado
Alternating between crippling sadness breeding burning tears
And intense anger at not understanding
Why need more?
Which is an offensive question but that's how I feel
Why make your life even more difficult
When you claim you don't even know how you feel?
If you don't then why are you still pursuing it?
Why are you sleeping together more regularly?
Why is this not enough?

And as a poly person myself I should understand
But this is ******* killing me
I've been hoping you'd text me at least once today
And now I only want you to so I can ******* ignore it
Cause this **** hurts
And it burns
And it's tearing up my soul
Because I love you more than you'll ever know
And I just don't get it

I know I should keep an open mind
And try to be accepting of all of this
But I flat out don't like her
Which is immature because I don't even know her
But from what I hear she doesn't respect you
Not the way they and I do
Not how you deserve to be treated
Maybe it was a one time mistake
Or maybe it'll be worth it for you
But right now I can't even breathe

Even though I'm putting you through the same thing
It's still different in some ways
I only have one partner
You're looking at three
And I know it's stupid to count numbers and compare
But what the ****?
If it's hard enough now
Why can't you just work with this
Why add another person to the mix?

But I also want to support you
Because I love you undyingly
And I want you to be happiest
But I can't even think about talking to you
Knowing you're with someone else right now
I can't think about you without thinking about her
Wondering if you've kissed her
Questioning how you feel and
If you're actually being real with me

And yeah I should try to think this will pass
But what if I don't want it to?
What if I don't want to numb myself to this pain?
Cause it hurts
And I'm not ok
But I chose this and I knew this could happen
And I'm angry at myself for these feelings I carry
And I wish I could be numb to it all
I wish I didn't care so much
But I do
And this ******* *****

It felt so disappointing
To have

All I knew

Become something so distant.

So strong, so intensely -- like there was nothing that could stop me.
Nothing that could show me another way

And I felt so
Sadly, truthfully fallen
So broken

------ I could not speak ----

And every where I look the voice
inside me says
stay

But I felt so small. Something felt so wrong
So I asked
What do I do.

And nothing -- but you said to you --
Get through it all.
Just live
Just pass
Just go

And my head, my mind. This idea
Inside.
This reality
Where am --------------
I/////


The blank spaces. the intense thought, become
nothing
everything/
something

I am falling
Or am I diving
???

still I say -
I lost it all
in one night


I have never felt
so empty

yet so full

I love, when you unzip the layers of your personas,
letting me peek behind the mask
Revealing your raw edges
allowing me to be your haven from the world of facade.

I love, when you strip down your heart, 
unfold your thoughts, 
share your inner struggles
and pour your secrets into my ear
allowing me to be your sanctuary.

I love, when you lean your head on my shoulder
let my hands hold yours
and you let your tears flow
allowing me to be your solace.

I love, when you’re vulnerable and raw with me
making me one of the very few of those
who knows the darkest and brightest part of your mind,
and who are deeply embedded in your heart.

An open mic, an invitation, a couple minutes of self expression: simple.
Each artist is to each other as two books are, unread, undiscovered, and uninterpreted: unique.
Not every man can claim his prize. There is no one wise
enough to say which is better than the other,
But rather
A few truths to offset the lies
Behind a person's conscience. They try.