It's me, the master of never letting go,
and yet I let you slip, you kept me for
show, and to prove your theory about
                me
             + a bit of confidence
             = you
said you wouldn't want to miss it
and that's a reason to stay.

It's me, the master of never letting go,
I was kept for show and stole it, got burned
yet returned, listened to, not understood,
the one who always sticks around, now
I look both ways crossing streets, managed
to become an end to the means.

It's me again, I'm tired, was held in a cage
that promised flight, the sun never changed
directions, it's a never-ending sight, like
a movie set, except this time I'm a side
character and there are no extras.

It's me, the master of never letting go.
Is anyone listening? It's fine if you aren't.
This one is not about the show.

Oh temptress why do you torment me so.
With sleepless nights all alone.
Thoughts of you devour my mind.
I think of you all the time.
My hunger for you grows stronger every day.
Yet you feed me scraps and order me to go away.
Your passion has engulfed my entire soul.
You have me completely under your control.
I must escape, get away.
I cannot live like this another day.
Often I think this life I do deserve.
For you alone I must serve.

Wake up and my
Head is cracking
Like Kentucky pavement.

Foggy and frustrated;
(At what?)
**** this, **** that.
Morning ******* *****
Worse than Kentucky pavement.

Coffee caresses my nostrils
And lures me to the kitchen
By hand. Inhale deep
Like the first drag of a stress cig.
Pour.
       Sip.
              I’m a brand new *****.

she walks into an abyss.
the light slowly fades -
she barely notices.

she starts to run
as her breathing quickens.
she claws at the abyss,
hoping for a way out.

she hears a voice,
soft yet secure,
that guides her.
the light appears as
she takes small steps.

she keeps walking
until the light engulfs her.
she is free.

Sunlight streaks in, gold and sharp,
One blanket is tossed to the floor,
The other is wrapped around you, tangled in your legs.

You stretch beyond the scope of the bed,
Disorientedly breathe the early morning in,
And cover me with blanket seized in your sleep.

I am draped, like royalty, only in the finest,
Your arm adorns and grounds me.
I understand your appreciation for weighted blankets.

My mind cannot wander or worry or plot my demise in your arms.

These beakers are my canvas
And brewing her is my art.
To craft the deadly elixir,
That stops and starts my heart.

Two parts lovely,
Another three of yearn,
That subtle hint of sweetness
Gives it that extra burn.

Her crimsons blush and her violets spark
Then crash into her blues,
They swirl and twirl and bleed together-
A dance of violent hues.

Her colors mix into a bubbling
And her scent fills up the room.
Mesmerized... I am transfixed
By my bottled doom.

I pull out her stopper
and press her to my lips.
I drink her down, fast and slow.
Large gulps and tiny sips.

Immediately my body's seized
By her cold embrace!
Then I feel my insides boil,
Blood rushes to my face!

A foot through darkened doorstep,
My nape in devil's jaw!
She tears me from inside out
With tooth and fevered claw!

Desperately I reach for her-
Just a few drops more!
They trickle slowly down my throat
And pierce me to my core!

I need not water nor fine wine,
She is my only draught;
The taste of either, happily,
I have long ago forgot.

I will draft another batch tomorrow
Of this there is no doubt.
My love, my venom, my sweet ichor...
The poison I cannot live without.

I saw a thousand stars
but a thousand stars up
above the sky is no match
for your beautiful eyes.

If I were to die, I'd want my
heart to haunt you
until we meet again;

Please be the light of my
candle for I will be needing
your warmth in this darkness.

Please be the flame of my
candle so when I depart,
my heart will spend time
haunting your ineffable flame.

© Aaron Salagubang, 2020

You're still my vice baby
It scares me how much I love the thought that I could be yours too
The idea that I'm not
I push away
As it tries to confirm old beliefs that I am not enough
That what I want will not come to me

Because I live anew
Now
What I want lands in my path
"I am abundance" I repeat as I fall asleep

I hope with tearful eyes
And shaking breath
And that sweet earnest quiver in the bridge of my nose
That one day you won't be my vice
That you'll be my good morning
Or my Tuesday afternoon
That we'll be in tune
Like we were in June and May and October and December

I don't want anything from you that you don't want though
And how hard to know what to want
When I'm afraid.
I don't want to live in fear
So I must live apart

But is it all so dramatic anyway?

I don't want to always be so deliberate in my wants

It's not all love and romance

It's just a normal day
Meaning passing between us

Is what I pretend.
But really.
Fervently, I love you.

I love your jaw and your voice.
I love your laugh
How giddy you become like a child smiling at the sun
I love your mania
I love your crazy eyes alight in the moon
I love your BELIEF I love your ******* earnest sincerity.
Who the **** else is earnest like that?
It's gorgeous, I'm obsessed.
I could drink and bathe in your sincerity.

A bless or a curse to be the object of my obsession
I worry how my attraction to you would affect you
Would it be too much?

I think so.
Read the signs, see the facts
When someone tells you who they are believe them and all of that...
But, I'd rather not?
Instead I want to think that when we stood behind your house smoking that joint trying to stay away from the wind that you felt the tension too.

I love the way you wear boots.
I love the way sweaters hang on your shoulders.

****, each time I revisit your room in my mind I must confirm again and again with growing certainty that I am obsessed with you.