I wonder how people are able to be alone
In solitude and peace.
I am unable to do so
The background noise never seems to cease.

My loneliness I understand
Because in the absence of others
My mind doesn't quiet down
Its chattering is a never ending sound.

How did this happen?  
I wish I knew.
"Just don't think about it"
As if doing so will stop it, out of the blue.

My initial thoughts and reactions
Are automatic and quick
But their vile, evil quality
Certainly makes me tick.

They rarely attack others
What I think of myself I could never say
Yet these thoughts recur in my head
Each and every day.

I feel bad about thinking this way
Another thing to beat myself up about.
Beating myself is easy,
But demise is assumed if there isn't a way out.

I'm trying.
I'm trying to not listen.  To make peace with the noise.
But most situations are a trigger.
Just being alive requires vim and vigor.

I admit I am struggling
And all I have to say
Is I hope I can learn from my struggle
To help others in their struggle someday.

I climb into bed
in the early AM's
and then struggle to get
one leg out of my blankets

I look up at my ceiling
and realize I forgot to turn on my fan.
I don't usually admit it
but without noise in the background,
the dark leaves me feeling scared.

​when you wish an earthquake would pave way for rubble to make you a cradle until the gravestone can be placed,

when you wish an airplane would crash into your window and pin your heart and heaviness away,

when youre breathing to hang on to life, yet want to give it away

when you can hear your lungs fill and deflate, making you feel like youre going to cave in

when you feel the noise around you is slowly going to pluck every braincell out of your head and not let them regenerate

when the music next to your bed is the only thing keeping you sane when footsteps make your heart race when clawing at your legs keeps the screams at bay when making another mark of metal seems too far away

when youre just yelling for the sun to go away because the sun makes people stay awake with noise grenades flying here and there it’s chaotic and a vortex of despair

am i being selfish

because noise grenades are borne by people trying to live another day while im here in my bed under blankets  

cursing them away

Smoke rises in the distance.
The smell of flames starts to replace the fresh air.
No creatures in sight.
None to be found.
Just the smell of fire.
Wild fire.
Burns show where it has been.
Like footprints in the snow.
The birds are silent.
The air dull.
Light is dim.
The fire has ended.
Ash lays everywhere.
On the tree tops.
On the forest ground and bushes.
Silence.
It is over.
The fire is out.

It was like the shift
from noisy waves
to silent streams
that flow smoothly
over the calm chaos

The waves now have
settled to silent streams
with sunken ships
from the strong damage

-Kaya

Come with me
Through the noise
And the disarray

The deafening tones
Of screaming children
And dying adults
(Millennials probably
We both know
That they never
Shut up)

The world
Around ourselves
Is a path
Of broken glass
Atop coal embers,
So I beg you
To hold my hand
And walk through them
With me

Oh, the power of spoken vocabulary,
Like lyrics to a song,
And music to a score.
While music are pleasing,
Sometimes, what you say are unneeded.

Words are just noise.
Pollution to the air.
Shut your mouth, they said.
Unimportant, they feel.
Yet,
No one considered how I felt.

Burning desire to express,
But always afraid of reject.
Yes, fear only lives in your mind,
But if speeches had knifes,
I probably have a few in my heart.

Maybe I'm not important,
But at least let me speak.
Have a hear to what I say,
Then you can make your way.

Words are just noise.
Words are just noise.
Repeat with me,
Words are just noise.
*But only to some.