Initial here.
Pen your name
as they did,
as I did.

Now, sit still
and stay quiet.  
Focus on a point
if it helps,
hands buried
in your lap,
legs crossed
at your ankles,
mouth sewn
across your lips.
Let the plaster
steal your skin.

Shhh.
Don’t breathe
so loud.
Inside voices please.
Play by the rules.
Can’t you see
where we are?
Our garden of statues
deceives you.
Our garden of statues
has open ears.

Despite me, you speak,
you laugh, you sing
and pierce their stony skin
They hear you.
Everyone hears you.
Our garden of statues
slips away.

Screams smash
their balled fists
against their teeth,
against my teeth,
in our toxic wasteland.
Are you happy?
You’ve ruined it.
You’ve ruined me.

Now I hide my face
Cowering from thoughts
I pretend to know
And muttered curses
I pretend to hear
Why oh why
couldn’t you
stay your tongue?

We were happier in silence.

This noise around me
It's more than I can bear
It's too loud
It's too busy
All I want is to be alone

This noise around me
Is all I ever hear
The chattering of a bird
The screaming of a child
They fill up my brain

This noise around me
Is suffocating. All I know
Is that I can't breathe,
I can't swallow,
I can no longer hear myself

This noise around me
It takes up too much space
There is no room for me to move
No room for me to live
It takes up every empty pocket in me

This noise around me
Is inside me. Loud and incessant
The sounds are my own
The voices are my own
But I simply can't rid of them

This noise inside me
It's more than I can bare
It's too loud
It's too busy
All I want is to be alone.

Truly alone
With the darkness
And silence.
Alone with no noise.
All I want is to be at peace.

out of place
out in space
my mind wonders
looking for something safe.
to hold onto
and cherish,
but I tend to stumble
and perish.
when fallen down
I'm filled with sound,
constant and booming
loud and looming.
once redirected
my head feels connected,
to the body I know
and my wisdom
I call home.

Mirrors and islands
Mirrors and islands
are all that I see

And the static fills my mind
eats it up like silence

It hums a constant note
glaring in and out
audible, barely
deafening.

The static fills my mind
and devours everything beneath it

Silence,
The mystery,
Sight unfollowed.

The absence of noise may be just as loud as not,
Due to the voices we use to fill the void,
Anxiety.

It is easy to remember the noise,
But impossible to forget the silence

"There's this dance
That I've memorised"
Whispers a voice by my side
Pulling me along
Twirling me to her foreside

"Should I show you it?"
Fingers smoothing
The crease between my brows,
Fingers tracing my cheek
Down to my hand

Eyes closed, she pulls me forward
Steps not unfamiliar,
"~~~"
~~~

The warmth on my skin
Slowly fades, no more than
A distant memory

"Of course,

The words echo in my ears
Dimming to a loud buzz

Wavering,
"Thank you for the dance."

Do you ever feel so overwhelmed that every nerve in your body tightens? Just so angry and anxious that you want to shake the dirt off of every fiber of your being. Crank up the volume in the car till your eardrums vibrate and only hear one constant, extremely loud noise. Clutch the steering wheel, speeding down the highway, eyes darting to the metal side rail, battling the urge to slam into it and flip your car.

How do I fix this? How do I avoid feeling this way from the beginning? It's the smallest things that set this off and it's absolutely suffocating - like a building on your chest, gasping for air. I think being reckless and overloading the senses helps. Sure it can really hurt you, but in that moment, nothing is okay. I just want it all to shut up - all the thoughts running through my head, all the emotions bubbling up. I just want peace. If that means shaking loose all the parts of my brain and filling that adrenaline by speeding down the highway - then so be it.



-t.s.

In a world of

     Perpetual turbulence.

You were my
       tranquillity.