Withering pines, whispering wind
Breaks the night with callous din
What silence speaks in darkest corners
Drowned by forests full of mourners
Another friend fallen, rent and hewed
So spoke the forest, we go to our doom

It’s been seven years and I still don’t think I’ve processed it
For most of my young life I had no mother
For most of my young life I had no father
There was only her, mother of my mother
A sharp woman with hands like sharpened scissors
Counsel and Care, the altar I was made to pray at
Her touch was soft unless it was hard, and hard unless it was soft
Like salt tossed over her shoulder,
Like warm potatoes in the sun
Like a bowl of cheerios before the bus comes
We prayed the rosary every morning
And I told her about my gods and myths
I told her about the rocks and crystals
And I cried about numbers
We prayed the rosary every morning, and I couldn’t bring myself to mind
We went to church on Sundays, and I sang as loud as I wanted
We picked out melons at the grocery store and ate them by the pool

It’s been seven years, and I miss her
And I will miss her
I’ll cry when I hear Que Sera Sera
I’ll eat saltines and still think to myself they aren’t that good
I’ll keep my rosary and sometimes I will pray
I will miss her
And I can only hope to be like her someday
And I hope that she is proud

You were taken way to soon
I guess God has big plans for you
How can I deal with these feelings
How can I concentrate
When I don't understand
Why you, were taken away
I'd come and join you tonight
Up in that starry sky
But I know you'd want me
To keep on living my life
So I promise you I'll fulfil my dreams
Just like I told you
There's still so much I haven't given
So tonight this one is for you

You're still here within my heart
You're in my thoughts
(I know you can hear me)
You're in my dreams
(I still see you)
Oh I hope you hear my prayers
Because every word I say to you
You know it's true

I still feel you
All around me
The warmth you gave
Still, surrounds me
The light you gave
Can still be found in me
Just gotta look deep down
To see you're still here with me

Sometimes I cry myself to sleep
Sometimes it's hard
Just to make it through the week
Nothing has ever cut this deep
Why did you leave us
Why did God take you away
Why couldn't he have just let you stay
I question that every day
I know you'll still guide me,
I know if I'm lost.
You will find me
I feel your presence inside me
You'll always be here to stay
Nobody can ever take that away

You're still here within my heart
You're in my thoughts
(I know you can hear me)
You're in my dreams
(I still see you)
Oh I hope you hear my prayers
Because every word I say to you
You know it's true

I still feel you
All around me
The warmth you gave
Still, surrounds me
The light you gave
Can still be found in me
Just gotta look deep down
To see you're still here with me

The memories never fade
I can still clearly see your face
And the way you assured me
Everything's gonna be okay
I remember your embrace
The smiles you always gave
All the laughs and tears we made
I remember all your advice
Didn't even have to think twice
You pick me up
When I need you the most
You may have been, taken away
But I know you're here in me

You're still here within my heart
You're in my thoughts
(I know you can hear me)
You're in my dreams
(I still see you)
Oh I hope you hear my prayers
Because every word I say to you
You know it's true

I still feel you
All around me
The warmth you gave
Still, surrounds me
The light you gave
Can still be found in me
Just gotta look deep down
To see you're still here with me

I'm still torn,
That you're gone
But I know
you're always gonna be
Right here with me
I look to the sky
When I need some advice
Because I can still hear your voice
It speaks from deep inside
Telling me everything's
gonna be alright
I know you're out there
I know you care
Oh this one is written for you
I dedicate this song to you

You're still here within my heart
You're in my thoughts
(I know you can hear me)
You're in my dreams
(I still see you)
Oh I hope you hear my prayers
Because every word I say to you
You know it's true

I still feel you
All around me
The warmth you gave
Still, surrounds me
The light you gave
Can still be found in me
Just gotta look deep down
To see you're still here with me

I miss you
You'll always be in my heart
Hope you're feeling all my love
I never have to say goodbye
Because I'll see you on the other side
Up in that starry sky
In the starry sky
In the starry sky

©2018 Written By Benji James

Have you witnessed  something
but Couldn't remember yet you can potray even minute
Details of that incident , I had
My 4yrs old eyes had witnessed that
She was burning right beside me
And I was busy wondering about the
The the design my castle should have
It went on , I succeeded my castles did
Even the heat from her pyre did it's job
Fulfilled what her child wished

My father poured the water from the river
Onto the settling pyre , as everyone with a bamboo threw the
Burned remains into the river , may the the creatures
Below this water satisfy their hunger , the priest chanted
While i kept jumping in the shallow blue waters
I was given a new name "Shankara". As I'd came home
On my dad's shoulders completely covered in the ash
As I had spent hours trying to build the castle with that as well


Everyone's eyes were numb , my father's weren't
Probably his heart would have been

paper thin skin
the artist’s eye is drawn
moth to a flame
but darling, paper burns

fragile, the softest ashes
they say “it always ends like this”
porcelain quivers
artist’s eyes, closed lids

flicker, just minutes more
please, just one last kiss
tears wet the cracks
and salt your drying lips

this loss, feel it endlessly
let me taste you one last time
something to savour,
to agonise the mind

Your love remains
In the empty space around me
Long after you are gone

I talk to the emptiness
And sometimes
You still feel as tangible as you did before
Knowing all the honeyed things you would reply
And all the tender touches you would give
If you could

So I continue my conversations with the silence
And find solace in the way you linger

I walk to the places
We never went with each other
I talk about the things
I never talked about with you
I feast without you by my side
Never once thinking of you
Until now

Ne’er before had mortality
Seemed so bleak and grim
Until I laid upon
Not your visage; pale and fair
But your casket bedecked with petals
Thinking about the light
Cast out to where your future should have been
Instead of eight feet underground

I bluster
As I try to understand
The change of fate
The whims and cruelties
Of people I don’t know
Even you

The one whom I cried for
And still continue to cry for
Because I cannot articulate
How two lovers perish
In such fateful wreckage

I think of from where I had come
And from where I must go
Periphery, you were
Periphery, you remain
Except when tears line my eyes
As I realise that the future
Isn’t as predictable as I thought

I will never hold your baby
In my arms
And you will never hold mine
But that is the domestic writing
Thinking about the future
So cloudy and grey
Even when I hold onto roses so stiffly

Roses that I must,
I am afraid,
Lay at your head and feet
Whilst you sleep within the earth
And will never take breath again
Not to sing or laugh
Like you did when we were children

When we still went to the same places
And still talked about the same things
And ate next to one another
Never thinking
The future would quite be like this
Never thinking we would be caught
In the fray of fate as things turn out
So wrong and so sad

But I continue to think of things
I could have said when you were alive
When I didn’t cherish your presence
Because memories are so easily
Made and forgotten
But please take them all
And I will continue to give
All these unspoken words you
In flower bouquets and poetry

For that is all I have
To remember you by,
My dear ailurophobe
Named grace twice
Fitting as you feel twice buried
So, I bid you farewell
With this to part us
But you will never leave my thoughts
Even as I stray along the path
And am subject to fates we never imagined

In the night watches
I avoid you

no point in
tearing flesh

for rivers to
burst through

rudely scorning
torn pages

of some old book
clutched to

dreams not yet smashed
on rocks of adulthood

avoided in the night watches
lest the dark becomes

intolerable