I woke this morning feeling lost and afraid
Dreamy eyes, clouds, storms, and shade
I rose from my slumber and wondered
Is today going to be the day I pondered

Scary dreams fill my mind and tear at my heart
Is it now that my changed life is to start
I look at my phone and wonder, should I call
Then think to myself, not one single ring at all

I'm sleepy and worn from last night's dream storms
I pull my feet up from the floor, curl into a ball, and return to the land of Nods
Exhausted from the constant dread and fear
Only dreaming of always having you near

I know someday you will go to Our forever home
Live freely and painlessly, with family and friends you will roam
You'll walk the heavenly streets of God's Kingdom
I know, in my heart, it's from there you'll keep watch and send your love

In my slumber, I can see how happy you will be
I smile and know that someday that will be me
I cry in my dreamworld because I know I won't have you to hold and hear
But in my heart and soul, I know you will always be near.

Again I wake from the land of dreams
To the sound of my phone and know I will hear
Your beautiful voice that I've longed for all day
I listen and chatter just to hear what you have to say

I hang up the phone, look at my watch and think to myself
A little bit more time, back to dreamland, time's shelf
Just another day
One Day Lost.....

You don’t want to die.
No.
You want happiness.

You want to wake up in the morning feeling alive with each breath that comes easily and weightless; You just want stop feeling like this is a nightmare you can’t wake up from.

The possibility of happiness manipulates you into thinking you can have it then, inconveniently at the most in opportune time reminds you that happiness is just not something you can have no matter how deep the yearning you have to submerge yourself in it; happiness is there, all around yet just out of reach so that you can see but never manage to have it.

You’re hopeless, alone in a cold darkness that suffocates you, leaving you breathless and isolated from others by past wounds that wont heal.

At times you’re overwhelmed, like a deer in headlights you can’t move; feeling paralyzed not knowing what to do, say, think, should you sit? Waiting until you “unfreeze”
you’re frozen in an attempt to pullaway from an invisible hand that has a tight grasp of your upper arm. Eventually it releases its hold allowing you to move once more leaving you to now wondering, lost on what to do .

Sometimes you’re trying to find reason to live, more reasons than your kids. If it weren’t for the kids you wouldn’t be here. You have tried so many times. But are left to fight for yourself. You’re all you can depend on in the end. Whenever that will be.

Place one hand on my shoulder
and guide my head under
You welcomed me to the world
so let me drown at your fault
Smile at me faintly as the waves
ripple over my eyes and fill my lungs
Like a babe being baptised
you hold the back of my skull
Now, not to keep me from drowning
but to show me your gentle touch
As my body erupts in panic, I flail
I feel your love
And for the slights you caused
I feel your sorrow
But I am too far gone, no longer
needing your hands to keep me afloat
Or to hold me under

Hyperventilating
Gasping for air
Lightheaded
My faint whispers
"Help me"
My bedroom door opens
My mother walks in
"Morgan"
Her annoyed tone is ringing
in my ears
I hear the door close again
She left me
I feel abandoned
And I lay there
All alone
More whispers escape my lips
"Why? Why? Why?"
I needed someone in that moment
I needed comfort
Yet all I feel is emptiness

I love you very much.
I see tears running down
Though your eyes shine
And it seems you're forgetful.

Luck pulled you out of a hat...
Destiny took you by the hand
And Life smiled upon you
As Time waited graciously.