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I feel so alone right now
I look through my empty eyes
Just clinging to anything, anyone
I'm so tired, the pull is getting stronger
Sleep is useless, I dream no more

I'm being pulled into The Black Hole
I can feel that familiar emptiness
It's here, I don't want to fight anymore
I can feel It surrounding me

I'm inside looking out at life
Do I want to give up my life
Should I call out to others for help
Can I reach out with my hands

Maybe I'm too deep by now
Maybe I'll turn away and just fall
Do I really believe anyone cares
I can't decide, it's too much

I can see people I used to call friends
Maybe if I jump, I can grab the edge
Then I call out to anyone at this time
You heard my cry and turned to me

You reached out your loving hands
You took hold of mine, I felt different
The Black Hole didn't want me to go
I wrapped my hands around yours

You pulled, It pulled back with force
I was starting back up to the light
I looked up into your pools of life
I could see unrequited love there to

My heart and soul were overflowing
I could feel the grip of The Black Hole
This time, I chose to fight for my life
You pulled and I kicked free

At first, I felt very vulnerable
You wrapped me in Your arms
There are no words but I hear you
I feel and hear you in my soul

My depression blinded me from You
I was so wracked with my own issues
I forgot to look for a reason to pray
I forgot Your promise to all of us

Your promise to always walk with us
Your promise to always listen to us
Your promise to always care for us
All we need to do is to be humble and Pray and You will forever be there

When you feel like you have no one
When you feel like your life has let you Down and you can see It coming
Turn away, clear your thoughts
Humble yourself, get down on your Knees and pray

If we don't ask for what we need
With your voice, God loves to hear us  
He can't help unless you give your     Whole heart and soul and trust Him

He has promised to help us fulfill our Lives when you believe in Him
Jesus Christ is our only way to eternal Life, to be with God and your family

Jesus Christ pulled me from my Black Hole, my life is not perfect, I still live With problems in my normal life
The difference is I added Jesus Christ And God         I Believe      I have Faith

Written by Julia L Carlson Vogel
Please do not copy and pass as your work.  
@Copyright Julia L Carlson Vogel
This is my story about my Black Hole of Depression and how I had help to get out. My divine intervention.
May 11th, 2012 to August 28th, 2018
R.I.P. My Best Friend
You were here for such a short time

I can feel your spirit
within me and around me
and in the pasture
with the others you left behind

You were one of a kind
Your personality like no other
You were King of the pasture

With some work and persistence
you learned to respect me as the leader of the herd  (most days)

Our relationship grew into an amazing friendship
A bond like I've never felt before

You amazed me everyday
Your colors as beautiful as the sun
A coat mostly a deep red and gold
Your Mane and Tail mostly black with red highlights

Your movement was free and bold
Your gallop the best
Your Mane and Tail
blowing up into the wind
Your chest rhythmically drawing air into your lungs
Your nostrils flaring in excitement with some snorting too

When you arrived here into my pasture and my heart
You were a force to be reckoned with as a Stallion
Gelding you didn't change you into a docile horse as expected
Your personality was yours and nothing would change it

You were my favorite
You will forever be in my heart

I miss you everyday
I miss your kisses with your
warm and wet tongue
I miss you following me around to see what I was doing
I even miss when you tried to use my head as your chin rest
I didn't even mind when you were pushy or stepped on my toes
I loved warming my hands on your neck under your thick mane
I loved knowing that when I looked into your beautiful brown eyes
I knew you were looking back at me with love and understanding

It was the saddest night of my life when you had to leave us behind
The unfortunate accident that changed our destiny
A moment of time that
can never be taken back  
That whole day is forever
emblazoned in my mind

You left us no choice but to send you back to God to run in
His golden pastures
You will never be hungry or thirsty or cold ever again
Best part is no more pain

Wild and Free forever
in the light of heaven's pastures

I will see you again someday
when my time comes
I know this in my heart and soul

You are physically gone from our lives but you will
never be forgotten

You are and will always be our Lucky 
Always in the hearts of those that loved you most

I will love you forever

Author: Julia LaRae Vogel
I have written and rewritten this so many times.  The first was written right after his death.  The second was a try at making it less like a story and more like a poem, it continued to be a draft.  Now I hope it gets published as a poem.
If I was supposed to
be defined by grades on
a paper, or by words in
a dictionary

I wouldn’t have
been born human.

If I was supposed to
be confined by margins
on an essay, or by stars
on a flag.

I wouldn’t have
the ability to create.

If I was supposed to
be defined by hatred
to my name or by my
disgraceful past.

I wouldn’t have
been born me.
Tick
Tick
Tick
The clock in my head
Wired to my heart
Controlling my emotions
My actions
Actions based on emotion
Emotion based on action
A terrible way to live
Break free. Let go
Let go of my heart
That you so tightly grasp
Let go
Yours, I am no more
The way you look
At her
So calm, collected
Did you always feel this way?
You dance with her
As you once did
With me.
My heart breaks
Crumbles
Tick
Tick
Tick
One day, Dad and Mom find out I'm growing inside.  What a warm, relaxing place to be. Sounds are like echoes, but pleasant to hear. I'm so small, my little heart beats fast like the wings of a hummingbird.

Times passes and I have grown. The sounds, muffled I hear, are getting familiar to me. My little arms have grown and I have fingers. My little legs also have grown and I have toes.  Not as much room to move around though.

A little more time passes and I'm getting uncomfortable, no more room to move. One day, I have an urge to roll so my head is down.  I am getting an urge that something new is going to happen.

Then it happens.  All the warm fluid I have been in leaves me and suddenly I feel like I am being squeezed.  I get a little break, then the squeezing starts again.  I'm being pushed into a small tunnel.  I think, "am I gonna fit?", then the squeezing gets stronger and there are no more breaks.

First my head goes into the black tunnel, wow, so much pressure.  Then I feel one of my shoulders enter the tunnel, wow, so tight.  Then my other shoulder pops into the tunnel.  Sure am happy I developed a bit of a slimy coating, or I would get stuck.

The top of my head is getting cold, I don't understand what is happening to me.  The constant pressure is still there but I only move a little at a time. The outside noises are silent right now.  I feel afraid.

Oh my, lots of pressure and my whole head pops out.  Something is happening to me.  I feel something hard in my nose and my mouth.  Feels like it's going to **** my insides out.  Lot's of really loud noises and the light is too bright, I can't see.

Once more I feel some pressure and my whole body slides out of the tight hole I was in.  As my chest expands, I take in my first breath of air.  All of the sudden, something in my chest takes over and I keep taking in air and blowing it out.  How strange that feels.

Lots of loud talking and someone wraps something warm around me.  I see shapes and shadows.  The person that caught me when I came out put cold things on where I'm attached to my mother.  Then he severs us from each other and I'm taken somewhere else.

I'm really frightened, I start to cry.  What a strange noise, but I can't stop.  Where is my mother, where am I?  Why are they doing all these strange things to me.  I'm in a warm box and my protective coating is getting cleaned off.  Someone is putting something in my eyes, now I really can't see.  Someone is putting something on the lower part of my body, it's staying on.  Someone pulls each of my arms into something warm, they lift my bottom and put my little legs inside.  Then they snap it up, funny popping noises.

Wow, I'm really tired, but my tummy feels funny.  I get wrapped up into a warm blanket and I am brought back to my Mom.  She wraps her arms around me and I can hear her voice and her heartbeat. I feel safe again.   She bares her breast and helps guide my mouth to her milk.  It takes me a little coaxing to latch onto her ******, but when I get a good hold, her warm milk pours into my mouth and I  swallow as fast as I can.  I knew how to swallow while I was inside in my warm fluids.  I drink as much as I can, but now I'm really tired, can't keep my eyes open anymore.

I fall into a peaceful slumber, there in my mother's arms.  Wow, what an adventure. What will I dream about?  Only me and God know that.
Inner thoughts of how the infant feels about birth.

— The End —