Sun scorching, sweltering, sizzling beach

My hardened soles resist the heat

Sunglasses shielding my eyes

White cotton ball clouds glide

Along deep blue skies

But I’m blue too

Intensely

Missing

You



© 2020 by Mark Toney. All rights reserved.

I used to be upset I could not fall in love,
God looked tired at me and said,
“Here you go then.”
He gifted me an angel, an angel so pure she never spoke,
A glance stopped my heart,
A smile melted my heart,
A look just, filled it.
In a day I noticed her
In a week I liked her
In a year I bought her a ring
In two years I planned our wedding
In three years I gave the wrong girl her ring.

I can’t change anything,
If I could I would be asleep,
But I won’t rest til I fix what I did to you,
All I wanted was a new chance and the big man looked down at me and said yes,
He told me, “life is too short to wait,”
So I just went over to your house, I guess you could say I was very “50/50”
We never finished it but I’ll tell you, he beat it,
He got the girl and they lived happily after,
I left in the middle so I wouldn’t give you hope, I loved you so much that I couldn’t see you cry,
I’m sorry, I really am but, I love you.

The angel was gone,
She saw the real in me and flew away,
I can still see her looking at me, never did I even imagine that was the final look she would give me,
Like I didn’t imagine that was the last time you’d fight for me.

I never know where I’m supposed to go,
You say I don’t apologize for the right things so I’ll tell you what
I chose the wrong girl.

The fool in me could not fight for you, but at least I think we got one thing settled, you did love me more.

After she left I lost all my hopes at love,
I began to doubt everything I had ever done,
So without a hope left, you slid up my story.
I asked the big guy, I begged him everyday, “please just please give me one tiny chance more at love and I swear I’ll make it right.”
It took some convincing but after a year begging he gave me a chance so small I called it my muffin.

Muffin and me snuck around the city always up to no good, but I didn’t really care what we did, all I wanted was to tell the world about you.
Some things will never change, back when we were together muffin and me spent the whole night together
Now muffin, I spend the whole night up waiting for you to forgive me.

Muffin and I now don’t talk,
Maybe muffin will never forgive me
But I’m still just that boy,
The one who hurt you,
Just please remember, it takes a lot of rain for us to see the rainbow.

A bitter sweet man hated everything about you,
A lemon boy misses everything about you,
Your never changing color hair, your beautiful smile, your will to sound smart by using big words when making compelling arguments, and how could I not mention, your cat and your mom too.

I was a fool falling in love, too hurt to be trustful, only now do I believe you truly loved me,
Some things really do take time,
And even though I lost you, hopefully someday you find someone better,
Someone your father doesn’t hate,
Someone always down to see your friends,
And more importantly, someone your mother doesn’t have to defend.  

I told you I’d never lie, and I didn’t, I just lied to the big guy, I told him I’d make it right.
Guess I really ******* this up,
But it just goes to show you, that you deserve someone way better, someone who has time for you,
So I’m sorry for wasting your time,
I just loved you too much to delay the tears, I knew they would hurt much more in Summer.

I told you I’d always be there,
If there is forever then forever, is the same.
I miss hearing your voice, call me,
Whatever time that might be,
I love you muffin.

I’m not supposed to speak to you.
It’s this unspoken law.
This girl code,
This human silence.

So,
I let my poetry speak.
Let my words sing to you.
Let my stanzas sway you.

I miss you.
[Let me say that more poetically.]

My soul is longing for yours.
My heart is crying for you,
And the tears are the bloodiest of red.

I miss you.

This isn't anything new,
But I can’t tell you that,
You know I can’t.
It would go against everything that society programmed into me.
It would go against our very religion.
[and you know good and well that we aren’t the type to sin.]

So,
I’ll let my poetry speak.

I’ll never know if you’ll get this,
I’ll never know if you’ll read this,
But there’s the chance that excites me.
The hope,
The glimmer, and shine of aspiration.
It’s beautiful, isn’t it?

I’ll leave this here.
I’ll cast this poem into the world.
I’ll let it touch a million hands,
I’ll let it feel a million tears,
I’ll let the millions of people think that this is for them,
But maybe, just maybe,
We’ll know it’s only for us.

The words are only for us:
I miss you.

Poetically, I miss you.
What other way could I tell you?
What other way could I reach you?
I’m not sure, So till then,
I’ll write.