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Nikki Nov 2020
I dread the happy days to come
When it's cold outside
But you're snuggled up
Together
Next to the tree
Warming to a cosy fire
Surrounded by family and friends

But not this year
Now there will be no pleasant crowd
To distract me from my loneliness
No noisy chatter to drown out the silence
Nothing to feed the illusion

This time I can't fool myself
Into being happy
Like every other year
Instead I'm force to face
What this time is really about

Spending it with someone you love
And who loves you
How I wish
I would have someone
Like that
Nikki Nov 2020
I have written about love
Many times before
But in truth
I have never been in love
I have dreamt of it
So many times
But I have never felt its warmth

And it has always torn me apart
Sometimes I felt unworthy
And hated myself
But other times I felt
I had so much love to give

Yet I've always known
That no one wants me
And it has always haunted me
Even now as I'm failing to fall asleep
Or actually, crying myself to sleep
I ask myself why
Nikki Oct 2020
How do I silence
that suffocating voice
endlessly critiquing
sewing seeds of doubts
terrorising my mind
pushing all my buttons
relentlessly
and without remorse
how do I silence that
when it might just be
my own voice
Nikki Oct 2020
Change comes
and I run

From the unknown
towards security
and comfort

Like a coward
crawling back in my shell
never to come out again?
Nikki Oct 2020
When people look at me
They don’t see me
or how I struggled
or the cracks
I had to glue together

No one knows
that every little ripple
might break me
for good
Nikki Oct 2020
I howl at the moon
to drown out the noise
That constant agonizing ringing
trying to **** out
all the life
Draining mind and soul
attempting to break my spirit

So I howl at the moon
to keep the noise at bay
Nikki Sep 2020
Take out your sketchbook
And draw your future
Sketch your every dream
And every wish
Now let me colour it in
Page by page
Colour by colour
Let me make it all happen
And let me
be a part of it
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