You aren't here
You aren't anywhere.
All you ever do in life
Is blow clouds through the air,
Wasting away through strife.
You know your wife hates it.
You know your children do.
You know that all our money goes
To your selfish habits and you
As your addiction grows

I love you though...
I just wish you'd end this phase-
The one that's spending all our cash
And shortening your days until
You're turned into dust and ash.

You're an absent father
(MY absent father..)
Only here when you need to be
Then you're gone for the end of this verse
And most in between
Either spaced out, asleep, or hearsed.

summer love
and your glacier eyes
grass stains
on silken skin
with the taste of july
staining our lips,
one look from you
and i'm on my knees
drunk on your kiss
each lie sweeter
than dandelion wine.

you tell me,
'it doesn't matter where you come from'
and for the first time,
i even believe it.

we spend every moment together
you have your responsibilities,
and i stay by your side.

i find a home in you,
i was finally not alone,
gaining a family.

you are taken from me,
i live day by day,
missing you,
it's unfair.

you come back,
'it's you, it's really you'
'yeah, it is'

it's unspoken,
i know what happens next,
i don't wanna accept it,
you can't go,
i wanna be selfish.

i don't wanna say goodbye,

'you guys are the best'

this is goodbye
you are taken from me again,
and i know there's no coming
back this time.

i miss you, forever.

we crashed together
so naturally
like the sea
against the shore
sandy lips
and ocean eyes
whispering promises
washed away
by morning.

I want to tell you that I miss the room with your hanging photograph on the wall of the room, decorated with twinkling lights between them.
I want to tell you that I miss the conversation we used to have, through a night without rain and you lay there, beside me.
I want to tell you I miss the light of the room emerging from the doorway, then you go inside without knocking it first.
The window hanging on the left side, a bench facing out, and the sight of people passing by are your favorite place when you visit me, right here, and you always sit there.
These walls are cold, and so is my body.
Likewise our first room.
You said what you liked.
A poem, but I didn't get to write it first. You said that you loved poetry.
But now, I love it more than you were yesterday.
Absence is now widely scattered on the floor,
and poems,
and cigarette butts,
and dust,
and tissue,
and tears,
and everything that ever lived in our heads.
And this room misses you.
They bring sadness through a night that is now often raining.
I wish you were here now, beside me. But it is a sentence that has no place in this poem.
Even though I'm currently writing it.
I want to tell you which I should be able to say.
This room lost its warmth.
I wish I could hug you again.
But time first killed me.
And I lost everything.

I can't seem to
                              think
Without your
                    Face
Swimming inside my
                                          My head

Can't go to sleep again
This is when I miss c*caine
Or anything else
In my brain
In my veins
To numb the pain
Before I go insane

But I've come this far
Hanging by a thread
Looking for a missing star
One amongst the dead

I wish I could show you
The real person inside me
The things I truly can do
And who I can be

I've always been lurking
As well as searching
Through the darkness
Of my soul's promise

"We'll be united once more"
Oh how death I would adore
To melt down to my core
Or wash up cold ashore

See the expressions of apathy
And see mal-sympathy
I've broken and I've torn
Around me ever since I've born

I miss't to feel numb
I used to be so fun
Nowadays I've been shunned
From all that I want

So this' what I've become
Someone with seams undone
So I'd understand
If you'd reprimand
All that I am
And ever will be
For I'm only sand
Blowing away at sea