~
The arithmetic of murky waters
Is not so clear

Neither are my chances of survival

Here is me
Face down in urgent sea

My wave
My grave
My gateway, perhaps

Whatever the consequence
Suffering is the new salvation

It all adds up
Sum how?
Sum way?

And if I was your ship
Destined to flounder
In the wide open drink

You'd re-enter the equation
And find a way to pull me through

Just so we could once more
Make the hurting count
~

Take me on a plane to your heart.
I want to get out & celebrate
Your hand in mine.
Time steadily ticks down, our emotions
Attentive streamers and banners
That shout welcome.
I stayed up all night like a child.
Anticipating the feel of something new,
The rush of being around you.
My fearless dream of you,
Curiously you.
Take me on a plane to your heart.
Your peace of mind, your cloud in the sky.
Somewhere that I’ve never been.
I feel so small when I am next to you,
But not in an insurmountable way.
I get a chance to see how much of a difference
That you’ve made.
Next time that you go,
Or at least consider.
Take me with you in the experience
That no one will know but you & I.
To be happy and belong to a part
Of you always & discover how many
Times I’ve looked at you and deeply
Appreciate the parts of you I am just now seeing.
How beautifully breathtaking,
No matter how big, there is still plenty
To discover & plenty of flights we could schedule.
No matter where we journey,
No matter how small.
Take me on a plane to your heart,
I only ask, that we take the scenic route

Days of pots and pans
ladles and bowls
sweet words have been
cut down
during the day
the habitual silence
can only be broken
with stainless steel forks and spoons
at night the bed routine
both tied back to back
snoring and buzzing of mosquitoes
intimate conversation happened
a long long time ago
this double bed
bigger than the endless night
the fatigue and exhaustion
they can only tell you the next morning
with a wry smile.

I am in a middle of a war,
Between myself and my sanity,
Between all hate and anxiety,
In a hushed war that hides a scar.

Away from your sniffy grudge,
I have to camouflage,
With a cheerful facade.

Coz' this internal torment can't show,
I can't let them know,
That the one I lovingly married,

Is now the one pointing a gun at my head.

My heart belongs to you.
It always has and it always will.

When I place my hands in yours, i am courageous because i know that we face life together

When you hold me in your arms, i am calm because i know you will keep me safe

When we both say i love you for the tenth time in the day, i am blessed because it does not and never will lose its meaning

I will admit there are times i get frustrated because i dont know how to communicate the extent of my love for you

It is truly the perfect flaw that, even with my love of words, i can't seem to find the right ones to tell you how i feel

But I can tell you this:

Loving you is like walking on air without the fear of falling

Its holding up the world with one hand and playing a symphony with the other

Its dancing on the moon without helmets and still breathing effortlessly
Its laughing when there's nothing to laugh about because just smiling wont do true happiness justice

You were more than a friend, a boyfriend, a fiance and now a husband.
You are the soul that mine has choosen to walk this earth in life with and fly together after death

For eternity with you doesn't mean just in this life, but beyond what we cant see or understand

So may my words stay with you always because this is what i vow to you:

I vow to love you unconditionally, every day, and every second of our lives

I vow to embrace you in the good times and the bad

I vow to face those times with you, together as we've always done

I vow to love and care for our family with you

I vow to support and encourage you in all your dreams and life endeavors

I vow to be your jiu jitsu partner when you get the urge to leg lock me

I vow to do my best at making a decision about what show to watch at dinner

I vow to **** the bee's if you **** the spiders

I vow to stay child-like with you and to remember that life isnt always so serious

I vow to bring the harmony when we belt out to disney songs in the car together

I vow to travel with you and take every place as an adventure even if its down the street

I vow to be your sturdy rock or your squishy sponge depending on what you need


I vow to love you with all that I am for the rest of my life and beyond

I give myself to you now and forever. I choose you as my best friend, my lover, my husband and my soulmate.

Thank you for making me the luckiest woman in the world.

I love you.

Dancing with my ghosts, on a midnight summer’s eve
A cacophony of determined footsteps
Mirrors the melody played
On the last night I spoke my piece

A candlelight vigil for time wasted
Buried is the boy, who once lived inside my waking dreams
Now bereaved, the man forgets all the boy has seen
Trapped inside of photo albums, in an attempt to resuscitate fading memories