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Seema Sep 2017
Sometimes I feel like a fish without water
My arms empty without my daughter
This planet's greenery being chewed off
Chocking to breath, no air just cough
Stars lose their gravitational balance and fall
Ocean creatures crowd the shopping mall
Our brains steam up to explode
Our mouths fill up with loads of word
The ignition pressured to fire off people
Massive explosions causing ocean ripple
My mind is a dangerous place to peek
You wouldn't find anything of what you seek
A whole planet, galactic system, entire universe
Resides inside my little head
Open doors through my eyes you can see and add
The perception opinion that you can actually train
The pointless manic operating my brain...

©sim
trashcanpoetry Sep 2017
maybe she didn't
appreciate her own
not-so appreciative friend,
insanity, showing up and
causing chaos
-
doubtful at best,
even on the "good" days.
prescription flavored ******* flowing through her head
repeatedly,
endlessly,
soundly.
so she did what she does best.
incarcerates her own free mind, still
very likely to let to it go in a heartbeat.
endings are too bad, after all.

(now read straight down the left row)
trashcanpoetry Sep 2017
i hit the blunt again
after it was passed to me
for the fourth time
i said yes to it three
times before
because with
every inhale i felt
more and more numb
i felt my fingers start to tingle
and my chest got heavy
and i was smiling
and my face was warm
and i could feel my
heart beating so intensely
i said yes because
for the first time in
a long time i
was interacting with a
group of people
yes;
because if i had said no,
i wouldnt be high
Laurel Leaves Aug 2017
I just want to be naked
To slowly wake up next to someone and feel the morning light wrap around us while the coffee brews in the other room.
I can visualize the scene
the exact corner of the world me and this stranger will lie next to each other
but I can’t see his face and I don’t know who he is


I want the world to wrap it’s fingers around my throat
force me to feel
the explanation of where I am going and what I am doing
I want to be able to stay the same weight
and not randomly gain ten pounds when I take a few days off of exercising.
The hard work of sobriety to pay off
the moment of elation where I feel ok,
where I don’t feel numb
angry
or scared
just at peace




I want to understand how easy it is to fall out of love
and why I am able to do it constantly
with myself
with lovers
with life


I want the visions to leave me the **** alone
The memories so tangible
I can taste the scenes as they scatter across my pre frontal cortex
How quickly they died
how easily I survived




I cannot comprehend the moments in my life
the triggers that slip through each passing second
I find them all intertwined
the manic penmanship of someone who is scared
who is eager
who somehow in spite of everything
is resilient

I feel safe only in the corners of coffee shops
my fingers gripping the sides of a warm mug
my journal spread open begging to be touched

I feel safe only in times when there is turmoil
when they say the no longer love me
because I can trust that they mean it

I feel safest on the mountaintops
where the silence over takes me
the fog clears and I can see the small miniature tree’s
humbled beneath my height in the clouds
I can almost touch the airplanes as they fly above me
I can be.
Written during a manic episode.
rb Aug 2017
Dear Manic Pixie Dream Boy,

You’re weird.

You like to dance badly to Michael Jackson. The Beatles are your idols. You’re a miracle worker when it comes to procrastinating projects. You choose to be Murdoc over Nightwing any day. A phone is a necessity you chose to live without. A good-looking leather jacket is among one of the many things you’d want in life. You have a vintage camera collection and your house has ninja swords that no one really uses. You let others borrow your bikes, and are not afraid to punch someone who’s a threat…

… and that’s why I like you.

I like the way you accept my flaws. I like the way your curiosity takes over every inch of space you’re in. I like how it’s so easy to talk to you, no matter how mundane the questions are. I like how you don’t judge my preference for long, critical words. I like how you value opinions a lot, and think them through. I’ve asked for your help too many times to count, and you don’t show any signs of being tired about it. I don’t know if you notice the way your face lights up when you talk about the things you love, because it’s blindingly endearing. It’s precious that you have a checklist of things to do before you die. Each word that comes from your mouth seems so genuine and sincere.

I could go on and on about the little things that make me so enamored with you… but I know I’m not supposed to like you.

Labels are a possessive sign to you, while labels give a sense of stability for me. Your nocturnal ways and my early-bird persona will clash eventually. I like finishing things early, while you wait ’til the last minute. Disney doesn’t exactly mesh well with the Gorillaz. Your stubbornness and mine will be our downfall, despite the numerous petty debates we’ve had so far.

I’m still glad you’re my friend.

I mean, that’s what we are, right? Friends? I mean, friends sit on the curb of the street and listen to how each other’s days went, right? Friends stay up until the late hours of the morning to talk about life through audio calls, right? Friends go to the park in the middle of the night together without their parents knowing, right? Cute nicknames as we wish each other good night is a friend thing, right?

Right. I forgot. Labels are a possessive thing to you.

I’ll try to stop checking Facebook for every chance you’re online. I’ll try to make our talks less about personal things, because I think only my labeled “boyfriend” should know them. Forgive me for trying to keep my distance, because I’m sure that I’ll only fall harder the more I get to know you. You’re probably starting to get weirded out by my strict, depressed lifestyle, anyway.

I hope that one day you’d find The One who would change your life. As much as I’d like that to be me, I know it’ll be someone else.

Signed,

The Snooty Protagonist
Best to write things down before it eats me up inside, honestly.
Shelley-May Jul 2017
I, harbor danger.
Forever attempting to befriend the beast within
My grip, white knuckles, too weak,
She burns sharp as acid through the cracks in my fist,
Poison trickles through veins, taught.
Panic.
A Grasp of desperation,
Stumble,
on the edge with no choice but to balance
on the tips of broken glass.
A thing of beauty,
pride or disgust.
Both,
it must be
everything at once.
Terror swallowed in the dark
Demented
Chaos
Valeria Ariza Jun 2017
I am the cold silver light in the darkness.
The rattling madness polluting sanity.
I am both, I am everything.
But mainly I am burdened with truth.

That, is why I am so Afraid of living
Why I am so afraid of Not living

Why I am not afraid to die.

I am the lead tainted paint in a bottle, stirring, absorbing the artist's pain.
In madness I am used to depict a reality ideal.
With every brush stroke, every color, I am killing him, he is using me to **** him,
as he paints murals for the masses to alleviate their suffering.
He suffers from truth.

He is not afraid to die.

I am a chameleon blending in with the rest of you,
Fools, drunk off of false hope and fairy tales
I am the paint, and the painting
I am the artist,

And I am not afraid to die.
2017
First poem of the year, of my decade, of this new chapter.
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