i used to love you sober.



               i've been high for days.

Nostalgia--
Homesick and lovesick,
But neither homeless nor loveless.

i understand it now
when they say falling in love.
for me, it was more of a
plunge from a building
onto the bustling street.

it was not intentional,
i did not have plans to love you.
but that's the funny thing.
who really plans to jump
from a buidling
onto a distant street
without planning to feel pain
and
then
nothing?

Nobody's felt a heartache like mine
Tinged with bruises and dollar store wine
Tell me, who are you to stand judgement of me?
When I'm just trying to feel...
anything
Every single time I've felt a spark
I'm left with a wet match by myself in the dark
Could it be us, could it be you and I?
Or will I be left the highest of dry
I am the lovesick girl
No amount of rubies or diamonds or pearls
Can mend such an aching so deeply inside
To which no one can run and hide
You'll never know just how far I'd go
To make you the happiest you've ever known
And yet somehow it's just never enough
And yet somehow it's just never been this tough
And I'm begging you please
To show me some sensitivity
(Just one time before you leave)
I am a woman
And you are a man
They don't write instructions
There's no label on a can
Nothing tangible, nothing you can read
Its inside you and inside of me
So I'll keep on crying at night
And dreaming that someday I'll catch your eye
Until then you know where I am
An innocent one night stand
So there you go
I've beared every inch of my soul
Is it you'd just rather at this point be alone?
Just know you dont have to be
That I'll always be waiting
And I'll never ask you to change, meet requirements or rearrange
Because in order to set my heart aflame
You must stay the same the same the same

My inner demons you say?

Hah, don't make me laugh. They're all around you, can't you hear them?

They yell they scream, they're there but not seen. Their only purpose is one that's not clean.

They tease and they taunt to get what they want, they lure you in with the smallest of sins.

They is a plural, yet meaning just one, because all them together is me, undone.

What is it that makes me so sane?

Nothing. Just that, simple and plain.

I'm losing my sanity, facing mortality, yet cling to ideals that are a falsehood reality.

I build myself up while breaking back down, I am my own rundown town.

The buildings are bleak, the sky is grey, there are no pathways that have been paved.

No signs with words, no stores with worth. Just an empty hollow hope filled with sorrow.

I say again, can't you see?

My inner demons, yes....They're me.

thinkin bout you

and what you do

to this pathetic heart of mine