everyone acts like because I left you
I should just move on
ignore you,
forget about it
as if it's absurd that I ache

that I am not overflowing with joy
to have my life turned upside down

as if I don't have the right to be sad
because I made the choice to go

but going isn't just closing a door,
it's opening windows to feelings that hold you hostage
break your limbs and squeeze your heart

I get angry at myself
telling my heart "we weren't supposed to hurt like this,
this is what you wanted"

leaving someone is just you spending every day trying to figure out how to live without them

You're so **** contagious
With that laugh I love to hear
With that smile that makes me fuzzy
That moment you coughed and made an awkward joke
You put me under a **** spell
Showed me that people like you exist
Proved to me that people can have good intentions
Lifted fear off my chest
You're so **** contagious
Your love is infectious
And I keep getting sicker and sicker

I woke up today like I do any other

trying to come out of a dream that confuses my reality when I first wake up
for a couple of seconds when I open my eyes
I can imagine your still here
I can drag my dream into the sunlight
and make believe that this whole thing was just a nightmare

Anxious anxious anxious anxious anxious anxious anxious anxious anxious anxious you dont need to be anxious its just that she is in a relationship and its not with me anxious anxious anxious I should not be this anxious about something so small and it isn't even real we aren't a thing anxious but I wish we were anxious and she would be willing anxious I just want to kiss someone anxious anxious anxious anxious anxious anxious I wish I wasn't so anxious I wish I was just high anxious so I could forget and chill and feel good anxious **** I hate this anxious I want to cry anxious I should take my meds again anxious what is this the third day anxious

I wish I could tell her anxious I want her to love me back anxious ******* it PLEASE anxious I JUST WANT TO FEEL LOVED AGAIN ******* IT anxious anxious ANXIOUS ANXIOUS ANXIOUS ANXIOUS ANXIOUS ANXIOUS ANXIOUS anxious anxious anxious anxious anxious anxious anxious anxious anxioous anxious anxious anxious anxious anxious why do I have to be so anxious anxious anxious anxious anxious anxious anxious anxious anxious anxious anxious anxious anxious anxious anxious anxious anxious anxious anxious anxious anxious I still feel anxious anxious anxious anxious anxious

Maybe not so anxious.

THE TITLE OF THIS POEM IS AT THE END.

I feel a fever coming on
Intense heat from my forehead
I'm sweating even though
it's 20 degrees outside
My hands are clammy
My skin is pricked
by a million needles
I want to throw up
I can barely stand
My stomach hurts,
and I feel cold and hot
I'm shaking, trembling
all over.
I can barely move
my lips to speak.
I'm dizzy.
Every bone in my body
aches with the pain
of a million paper cuts.
My heart beats irregularly
slow, fast, slow, fast
I think I might faint.


I went to the doctor.

Turns out,
there's no medicine
for lovesickness.