You say it yes,
But you mean it no.
We talk,
But you make me speak only,
I express freely,
While you hesitate.
I ask, "Can we be we?"
You just nod...
If I approach to demystify your complexity,
You restrain..
Then still am I a stranger to you?

Today, like all days before You, I awoke to the sound of deafening silence;
To the solitude and emptiness of my home, my prison; my crumbling cage.
The shackles of hopelessness keep me chained to my bed as I beg my body to sleep and allow me to feel at peace.
With eyes closed I let a gentle breeze carry me out my open window and set me adrift in the dark ocean of space.
I mock gravity as the stars melt to dust and dance and swirl around me.
Gentle beams of moonlight caress my face as I wade waist deep in the Milky Way.
Vega’s passing brought your dazzling soul into my galaxy;
and with arms outstretched you asked me to dance and we waltzed with the moon and sun.
No words could describe the serene euphoria I felt as I laid my head against your chest and we danced to the sound of your heart beating.
I held your hand as we tip-toed through Saturn’s rings and bathed in Neptune’s frozen waters.
I watched in awe as the pigment of your skin changed with all the bouncing colors of Jupiter’s northern lights.
But I could feel the universe begin to melt beneath us as the sun reared its ugly head.
“I don’t want to wake up.” I whispered to you as we sank deeper into the fading abyss.
I study your face with every fibre of my being so that I could engrave its’ likeness onto every cell in my body.
I close my eyes and breathe deeply in an attempt to imprint your aroma onto my lungs.
I reach out to touch your body so I could memorize your every curve and edge.
But my hands could not feel you
My eyes could not make out your shape
And my lungs felt as empty as the void inside my heart.
My soul weeps for the love I’ve yet to meet but miss so dearly.

The universe dissolves beneath us as rapidly as the harsh sunlight pours into my bedroom and I awake, once more, to the sound of deafening silence.

I hate that I care so much
I hate how much you affect my day
How when you text me I feel alive
but when you are ignoring me the next day I die a little bit inside

Why would you paint such a beautiful  picture in my head
When you know you can't love me back
Your thoughts are still going to a different girl but mine keep holding onto you
How do I do this? We are both hurting but for different lovers

I wish we could work
I wish you would realize that I would give you my world but no you don't care as much as I do I am just a rebound for all you knew
And you know what I hate the most?
I hate that after all you put me through I am still in love with you

I just broke up with my boyfriend cause i needed my own space to grow and find out who I am..
It's the hardest decission in my life and it's tearing me apart..

I lost another bit of what i call my family.. gona... torn apart.. guess drugs were more important...
Makes me feel worthless

I get 20% C's 70% B's and 10% A's those marks are lower than any i've ever gotten
Makes me feel stupid

I never go to parties cause I always have to go to work
Makes me feel lonely

But as Albus Dumbledore said it so well;
happiness can be found in the darkest of times if one just remembers to turn on the light

I believe that everything will be aright.. if i just stay positive and keep my head on high...

**Lumos

It is my reminiscence.
The virtue of loneliness
occurs at midnight.

Dare to ask the silence.
It will tell you
exactly who you are.

The midnight I yearn for love
Of purpose I lost
Of reasons wanting to be found.

Midnight's a sin of time
Your epiphany
Your slap of reality

It is sadness.
And the greatest anxiety
is your true self.

I saw you that day was rainy,
I wouldn't meet you after this maybe,
Please don't escape from rain, because it was me,
Dark, misty and lonely I need somebody to hold me.

I don't believe in you and your beauty,
You're a trick always behind me,
I exist, you exist in same county,
But couldn't say exist "we".

I am exhausted far away form me,
Let me die here softly and silently,
Please not afraid, I am always ready,
Take the gun and count the three.

I am not player named game "life".
It is over now, from beginning of 1995.
Have no faith, the past I don't remember.
I chose my library as a holy temple.

Imagine
the eternal loneliness
that seized the Angels
when they heard
of God's death.

Every evening
I relive
that Angelic
loneliness
which reminds me
that no one
is in charge
and help
is not on the way.
  mce