Between judging the good and the dead,
I lose myself in the cacophony of lies, made my men,
Amid the hustling and jostling of interests, lies and deceit
I scream!
my voice is muffled by a black cloth,
which covered eyes of Themis, now unfurled, tied my voice,
So, none can hear, my cries,
I am a man, I have a spirit, my bliss cannot live in lies and deceit!

I lose myself, split of a second,
A place where I find solace for my heart,
Split second of servitude for God,
And that is enough! To lead me away from temptations!
I look at men in blood, fresh, for petty wealth, and I see God!
I look at black coats, standing for Good and evil for wealth, and I see God!
Who am I to judge?
I see and witness unfurling of time, and my mind rests at His foot!
For all is lights and shadow!
I am at peace, being a witness of His work.
Om Tat Sat!

© Saurya 7th Jan 21

How insecure am I
It comes out in waves
as I call out the names
it's been ever the same
as far, since I was five.

I see them
looking at me,
they can sense my nervous energy,
I can see the anxiety building up
Overflowing the cup
as I grow old.

I am okay
without anybody
But I change immediately
as I sense someone
around me.

It's just me
I feel everyone judging me,
I want high scores
but I can't act right,
I know it is impossible
to please everyone
but at those times
I just forget even to try,
it's how I am.

I do know,
I am getting negatives
because of my inactions
but I cannot calm my nerves.
It is the heart hammering
On the walls loudly,
It is hard.

My eyes
vulnerable to all eyes,
Can't you see that I
am afraid?

I am an open book
with empty lines,
with doodles at sides,
this is my mind
with more scribbles.

I can't grow like this,
I've to get over this
the world is merciless,
won't give another chance
this is it, miss the hit
you go back home.

I am nervous, I am unsure,
I am a mess, looking for cure,
my best attempt of smile
is like another big failure,
I try to speak up, more words
they flow with stammer.

If my assumptions about him are right
It is going to take more than friends for him to see the light
Jumped gun without stopping to take a second look
Scared before I had a peek under the cover of his book

How can you judge
With your eyes alone?

I do not care for your colorful shoes
Nor your expensive jacket
Even less for that long car

Why would you?

Is it truly all we wish for
Something to please the eye with?

Does it bring you more pleasure?
Then a talk about the stars?

I want a connection
Not just attraction

The excitement to meet someone new
Often melts away after a day
Maybe after a date

I want more
I want to see beyond your soul

Tell me what you miss
What you hope for

Your story is what I long after
Not your empty shell

The hurt and sadness coming from your voice is ripping at my heart like a jagged knife ripping through flesh
You are mine to protect and nurture and that box made of steel that you are caged in remains my every nightmare as I sleep and my weakness in my thoughts while I’m awake
A young man with eyes that glisten and a beautiful face of an angel, the heart that’s pure and giving
Yet you made some wrong choices but not deserving to be slammed behind bars in a cold cell and treated like a beast of rage
My expression of fury at my fingertips for if I was evil as they, surely I would cast every sinful spell across their beings and make them feel your pain
**** those that pass yet judgement yet hold no crown of thorns upon their head
For He that cast the first stone let him stand in judgement free of sin
For the Laws of this wicked world all turned to the evils of bribery and political gain as there is no longer a man that sits to hold true to the laws that are written for of the greater the judge feels as though he himself can unwrite and interfere with the laws of our God and pick which laws and sentence for the same crime yet treat them different
Stand with your armor as it isn’t seen my son for is the coming of our dear Lord and savior to be the punishers And the  Judge of the wickedness that per-trays to call themself some part of Law and Order as Our God is so much Greater as they will soon see.