here i sit
watching
watching you make new friends
whether or not they're good for you
i sit here watching you make one bad decision after another
but i don't say much in fear of upsetting you
in fear of drifting farther away from you
in fear of you going off and informing people of my worrying
here i sit
watching you tell people things that weren't yours to tell
watching you drift farther away from your innocence
farther away from your true relationships
farther away from me
here i sit
while you yell at me
while you tell me to not worry
while you tell me you "love me"
while you tell me that you will be okay
while you cry to me
while you vent to me
while you tell me you don't care
while you laugh at me for caring
while you tell me you hate him
but then tell me you miss him
while you tell me that i need to care once i say im done caring
here i sit
crying
crying because of how much pain this is causing me
crying because i can't do anything
crying because you are fine with this
crying because you are fine with them
crying because im tired of feeling this way
crying because what happened to always?
what happened to
ill never leave you
ill always love you
i would never do that
just one more
trust me
i would never lie to you
im sorry
i should've listened to you
you're my only true best friend
you're my person
here i sit
exhausted from the mental pain
being forced into feeling numb because im tired of feeling
missing what we had
what we should've still had now
what you tell me we still have
...
but we both know that we don't

ughh i miss you
these are the last words i messaged you
what i wanted to say was
i miss how you used to be
i meant to say
i miss how we were
i meant to say
i miss how much you used to care
i wanted to say
i miss the old you
because i do
but she's long gone
i miss her

Minutes feel like hours
And hours feel like days
I forgot you had this power
To make me fall for your gaze

The second that we're apart
My smile instantly fades
There's an emptiness in my heart
And I grieve for several days

But then I finally see you
And I'm back where I belong
I love to watch the things you do
Like when you mix all your songs

You are truly my comfort zone
You take my heart to new heights
I forget the feeling of being alone
Because you are the love of my life

I feel as if,
as if,
you left me
yesterday.
you were to little
to go.
you didn't have a
choice.
but everyday
new anger builds up in me
because
of your
death.
you are completely
and utterly
gone.