i allow you to let me settle
settle for things i wouldnt be fine with...
if it wasnt you doing them.
settle for no good morning kisses just my longing looks at your sleepy face.
no cute texts, just "ok" and "love u"  
settle for cuddles.. but only if i ask them.
settle for me feeling like im asking too much.
am i asking too much?
all i ever wanted was a love that consumes me, rips me apart
but puts me back together in a different formation
a more beautiful art piece than i was before.
i wanted a love that comes to me without asking
forcing its way into my heart.
a love that wont ever leave.
and i got exactly that.
you consume me... youre ripping me apart....
but where is the different formation?
why arent you re building?
cant you see that im hurting...
you came into my life and changed me
made me better in ways
made me worse most days.  
you came into my life and loved me
but not in the way i needed
loved me
your way
am i being unfair for expecting the same love i give to you in return?
will giving it to me let your confusing heart burn?
i sound so ungrateful
but really im not
this makes me seem hatefull
but youre all ive got
im so afraid to lose you
do you feel the same?
because its difficult to know
when will you ever grow
like trees i change and shed my leaves with every season of your change
but you stay the same...
you stay... the... same...
same
same
same half love i always get
you say were built different and i get that
but why do i have to keep asking
and begging
and pleading
just to be loved.
not half loved
not almost loved
just
LOVED.

I smoke my silly little ****
and drink my stupid little xanax
I chug my useless little *****
and chew on my foolish little antidepressants
I cut into my mindless little skin
and hurt my idiotic little feelings
I do whatever little thing I need
so I don't end my
silly, stupid, useless, foolish, mindless, idiotic
little life.

Just a
B R O K E N
boy
trying
to
B R E A T H E
through
the
smoke
of
a
B U R N I N G
world

i don't know what i feel for you
but it feels good
like the smell of fresh cut grass
and that first summer rain hitting the sidewalk
it feels good
like your favorite food
or a really good song
it rises inside me like helium balloons
it feels good
like a cold pool on a warm day
and that cocktail after a long day
it feels good
wonderful actually

And just when I think
things are good again
it happens,
the saddening,
the angering,
the depressing weight of the world
catches up
and crushes me

I burned that bridge
and danced in the ashes of what we used to be
i broke free from you
with ***** feet
but a clean heart

You go into a building
and speak to your God
I walk out into nature
and my Gods speak to me