For so many years I have loved you.  For so many years I have longed to have you back. For so many years I layed dreaming, for so many years I woke up alone. I had too many years to make you exactly how I wanted you to be as I remembered you just the same.
My image of you was of my own perfection, all a fabrication in my brain.  Never stopping to realize the image I molded  of pure perfection would later become the destruction of my own demise. My expectations exceeded far beyond the reality awaiting me . Painting my own heart ache and shattered my every dream.
After so many years you returned to me, it was perfection for a while. As my dreams seemed to be coming true. Until that moment reality took it's toll, my life as I dreamed it spinning out of control.
Now I am faced with the book of my life in a fantasy world that I made myself believe, as things have gotten out of hand and left me to face reality. I find so hard to accept.  For I have no more wishes or wants or dreams left to come true, I used them all up when I spent so many years building this image of you.
Before I turn to the final page of my book, the one that reads, The End, I have to come to terms with myself and accept my own blame. Things may not have gone this way if I hadn't been living in a fantasy world and tried to live a life of pretend.

©kimmied1105

I’m sorry if you wanted something else;
A rubber stamp, a milquetoast or a sap.
I’m sorry my independent nature is
Like giving your face a hefty slap.
If it seems I am apologizing for myself
To make an excuse for the way things are
Trust me when I tell you what I am sorry for
Is that I have let this thing go on this far.

Dressing up in formal clothes
Won't make us into something fine.
As long as we believe a fantasy
Soon we will cross some kind of line.

I apologize for not recognizing the signs
That told me how you felt about love.
The idea that the two of us are equals
Was a thing you could not rise above.
You couldn’t accept truth was important
And only make what we had implausible.
The kind of relationship you wanted
Was not only wrong, but was impossible.

I guess it got easy for me to fake it
And walk around in a huge pink fog,
Pretending you were a handsome prince
And not accept you were another frog

I don’t believe the truth can be hidden
For but a very short while if at all.
To base a relationship on dishonesty
Will ultimately make the thing fall.
Yes, I ignored the messages you gave me
I’ve been through enough of this to know
That I was part of the reason we failed;
That this is the way it would have to go.

I can’t let you completely off the hook.
Your answers to my questions were a ruse.
I am not equipped with a fairy godmother.
I never had a pair of enchanted shoes.
But I was never wishing for a magic life
Just a hope that love could turn out real.
But one of us can never do it all alone;
Half of it will be about how you feel.

Dressing up in formal clothes
Will not make us into something fine.
As long as we believe a fantasy
Soon we will cross some kind of line.

A reason to be


Eyes open wide, I am waiting on time;
Patience is not a virtue I possess.
I need a guiding light, come let it shine;
My soul is aching for a love, this I must confess.


Been here so long, hiding behind,
Anything I think can protect me from living this life.
My hopes and my dreams were up in the sky,
But now they are here in my hands and now is my time.


Pictures still form inside my head.
Wishes are wasted dreams of a lesser man.
If I can’t give you my all, then you will not get my best,
So I dive into my mind and when I return I am a better man.


The love that I desire stands in front of me;
The love that I crave is my magnetic need.
The love that I had, it was not really real;
But the love that I will find, it will cure me.


We all hope to be loved, so why can’t I?
Why can I not be the one to make you smile?
If all that I have left is this one last chance,
Then take my heart from my poetry and let me be worthwhile.


The darkness has gone and the sun shines;
The warmth of your love is all the empathy I seek.
I needed you to become my new romantic romance.
You give me more than a chance;
You give me hope
And a reason to be.


(C)2016 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.

sometimes I feel as if I am photo sensitive paper
the world leaves imprints of images
exposing a narrative that attaches itself to me
as a string of memories in a darkroom  
where light enters and creates the shape of my identity

Monochrome images swirl and collide on the surface of my mind,
round and round they go through the loops and coils of my brain.
Slowly they submerse themselves in colour, so much colour more
than in a rainbow.

Every image and sight I have ever seen is in here all waiting to show
themselves when the time is right.
The alcohol I had earlier helped so much to create this massive trip
in my head, I see a billion faces all at once, the power of the human brain
is awesome if only we knew how to use it, people could fly and swim
forever in their minds.

I spiral and glide down the dark alleyways and doors that lead to different
times and feelings all so alive in their own little place.
This is my access to the collective mind of the universe and of everyone
who has ever lived and who ever will.

RUFE

A late summer pacific sun burns down on this tiny coral atoll, here are three Zero floatplanes codename Rufe. They share such a common beauty that all warbirds have. Waves gently wash over the floats of the planes, resting in the cool and calm of the ocean. Delicate pastel colours colour the scene, the purple of the planes and orange of the sun, the blue of the sea.

In a few minutes a Rufe will take off, building up speed through the mirror smooth water until she is free of the blue liquid surface, she will be in flight in her sky where so much danger lurks. Hellcats and Corsairs.

Rufe has the handling of her Zero brother so she will be okay –

she is a bird of the summer sky battling her enemy.

Sacred Dream
You can’t steal my dream.                                                           ­                                                     

You can take everything I’ve got but not my dream.                                                           ­                         
It belongs to me.                                                              ­                                                              My path is my dream.                                                           ­                                                       

You can't steal my dream.