depth deprived

depth deprived May 2019

*******

I can say it means
A lot of different things
But when I first wrote it
It was generally *******

#poetry #meaningless #words

depth deprived May 2019

Hours

I can't fall asleep
But I don't want to wake up,
So I'm sitting here thinking
Of how I'm out of luck.

I keep tracing the map
That I've drawn for myself
To keep track of my mind,
Which I keep on a shelf.

Hours have passed
But the clock hasn't changed
The longer I lay here
The more I feel deranged

#4am #uncertainty #love

depth deprived May 2018

Behind Closed Eyes

A baseball bat
To the ribs

Or a spinning blade
To the lips

Blink quickly
Push images to the side

Don't dwell on this thought
Your skull will divide

Three halves of a heart
Two wrongs make a right

Losing grip on reality
Like the string of a kite

#violence #revenge #images #fear #pain #thoughts

depth deprived May 2018

Calamity/Anticipation

Please let me be there for you.
I want to know what you love,
What makes you think
Who you care about,
What brings you to the brink
Of disaster. Please tell me
Of calamities looming constantly,
Or just share a moment,
A secret, a well worn thought
That you haven't yet brought to reality.

I miss the vulnerability,
The pure, genuine realness
That comes with mixing tears
And unearthing fears.
I had high expectations
For the coming years, yet
it's so easy to alter memories,
and to distort feelings long faded.
Don't shut me out, please don't
Hurry to bring about the end,
Out of fear for feeling later
A more painful ending.
It's cowardice disguised
As righteous anger, but I guess
I can only recognize that in you
Because I'm feeling it too.

I was the one you shared everything with.
If you need to move on then move on,
but don't you dare erase that.

#friend #depression #support #ignored #forgiveness

depth deprived Apr 2018

Is it worth it?

Playing with morality is exhausting yet thrilling
There's times I feel happy but mostly it's chilling.
Am I making my own decisions?
Or just landing in the same cliche prison
That so many others have been in before,
See I don't even know all the troubles in store.

mistakes? or just harmless fun?

#choices #morality #cliche #fear

depth deprived Mar 2018

Apathy

I'm kinda bad at making friends
but even worse at keeping them.
Hold everyone at a distance,
when they leave put up no resistance.
I know I will say goodbye soon,
to even those I'm closest to.
Compartmentalize, tell aimless lies,
never truly look into their eyes.
Loneliness is self inflicted.
The death of friendship isn't only predicted,
but anticipated and orchestrated.
Over and over this has been demonstrated.
Apathy feeds isolation,
causing me to turn from anyone
who turns even slightly away from me.
Now, isolation feeds apathy,
I move on so quickly from the friends I lose,
and so you see the cycle continues.

#apathy #friendship #isolation #lying #distance

depth deprived Mar 2018

Warning Bell

When something's seriously wrong,
I've no idea how to tell.
Something must be wrong with me,
I have no warning bell.
Liars, cheaters, chronic deceivers
seem trustworthy and kind.
I'll put my trust in anyone
who bothers to give me their time.
The benefit of the doubt
is a dangerous gift to give.
I see the fire, but still take the chance,
thinking "Either way, I'll live."
Pain seems easy enough to prevent,
signs alert me to imminent hell.
Yet often I turn my head and ignore,
because I hear no warning bell.

#warning #cheating #trust #lying #naive