You know what the worst thing about feeling empty, while being in pain is? It's the fact that although you feel every single fracture and dent of your heart, you feel too hollow, too empty that you can't do anything about how you feel but sit there and wait for it to pass over. There is nothing that can be done to relieve it, and that is why it is one of the worst feelings you could ever feel.

With every deliberate thought, I find myself to be self-destructive
Where I should be progressive or productive, I yearn for your memory
Some might assume that this habit is a sign, but the sign’s message seems to be “CAUTION” or “DANGER”
Yet it doesn’t seem pertinent to worry my troubled heart over the sentiments of any stranger
Heavy sighs and idle expressions, the shelter of my bed being my vehicle for this ride of depression
There must be something more than this hollow feeling, a goal or a motivation to press forward
What becomes of a man when he loses his heart, for it would be an absolute waste to let the mind and body lie dormant
Through emptiness and weariness, one may reach a point where they grow tired of being tired
To be tired of being something, then tired of being nothing, and then tired of being incomplete

only I who has the right
to cry myself wearing your worn-out shirt
to drink away our sweet memories
to isolate my heart from happiness

only you who has the right
to open up my deepest part
to kiss away my sorrow
to return and fill in my hollow

God doesn't love me he never did
Even from the start as a little kid
I was so innocent
Or maybe just ignorant
I don't know which
But stepdad threw the switch
And I was neither this nor that
My soul just went splat

I hit a wall so hard and strong
I would forever always be wrong
No matter what choice I made
It all ended up so decayed

This life is no fun
I live it far from the Sun
But I could never hurt anyone
So why is it so
That upon my soul
That the sorrow it grows
And the stale wind blows
How could God hate me so much
That my life would turn out as such

That the agony just grows
In the memories that it's sows
Makes me wish this life was no more
I'm hollow to the core
I don't want to hurt any more

So take this living corpse of mine
In all of its great decline
Do with it what you wish
For it never will see any bless
So use it up and spit it out
Because after all isn't that what love's all about

Because that's all I've seen
In the 46 years that I've gleaned
So use me now, or use me latter
You'll always be just a hatter
In this mind of mine there is no doubt
That this thing called life I want to bow out
And forever be no more
And settle the score

I want to stand on that judgement day
And hear what God really has to say
Let him look me in the eye
Let him see me cry
From all that he did not save me from
And why he left me here so numb
That all I can do is shout
Is this what love is all about!

I feel constricted
Like the buds of flowers closed at night
The eyes watching me
And trembling at the sight of me
Because I've been worn by the chains
And not the other way around
My soul's been twisted and churned
And ground into a fine powdered sand

The fear is crippling
It consumes
It devours
It leaves me stripped of all I once was
And of all I wanted to be
Until I feel empty inside
A hollow wisp
Of someone I once admired

Do you believe
You can transfer disease?
Without actually catching
Anything?

More mental than physical
Either way this is difficult
This pain, or lack of it,
Driving me hysterical

For example, a normal bullet
Hiding in a clip, store it,
Load it, chamber it,
Point and shoot it

You've got hollow points
Like the hollow pain in my joints
At the base of my neck,
In my head, no drug anoints.

Then you've got Full Metal Jacket
The shots causing such a racket
Disorientating pain, all over again,
Sticking to you like a magnet.

No matter what I do, it won't go
Hollow points in my chest, as time goes slow
I just wish my hidden gunman
Would take his bullets to a cliff and over they go.

The thought of this is too heavy.
It weighs on my brain.
It washes out my eyes.
It dances along the tight rope that is my shoulders.
It tips and sways and lingers on my finger tips and my bones and leaves space where there is damp darkness.
It drains the pink in my cheeks and replaces it with a heavy hollow.

That night I snuck out to get high
but I was only trying to invite some
new feelings inside to feel something
instead of being so empty all the time.